One of the coolest people I know in this town has been dating an old crush of mine for years. When it began, I wanted to shove them both off a cliff. I took his interest in her as an indicator that no man could be interested in me, giving rise to the painful, pervasive thought that I was only good for sex.

She and I didn't start out as friends, of course, but all of our mutual pals loved this girl. People sang her praises, and I asked myself why they weren't singing mine. (“Because you have none,” I'd tell myself.)

Ever been friends with the person your crush is actually interested in? Of course you have; we all have. Boy, have we ever. “Seriously,” we’ve thought, “How could my crush pick my lamest friend to hook up with? She isn't as conventionally attractive as I am; she doesn’t even have any tattoos; she’s not an Elephant 6 fan; she has no career designs; [insert hateful comment here].”

Jealousy exists in (and regularly ruins) established, monogamous relationships, but the real struggle is with those who have taken a chance on love only to be rejected for someone they know. Whether it's a bar acquaintance, a roommate, a friendly co-worker or your bestie from fifth grade, it hurts to see a person you know get what you think should be yours. You inevitably compare yourself to them, wondering how they measure up when you don’t.

If there's one thing we're all great at, it's throwing away friendships for relationships; people lose family and friends over dating all the time. But why? Half the time, the relationship's gonna fizzle out on its own if we're patient, so why lose a lifelong friend (or even a potential one) over what sometimes just amounts to “ass” in retrospect?

I've never seen anyone fall out with a friend over someone they ended up marrying. I know lifelong homegirls who don't talk anymore because of a coke addict they both banged once and haven't banged since. And it's taken me over a year to get to know one of the coolest people in town, just because she started dating a guy I struck out with.

I thought that his choosing her, knowing I was still available, meant I was not good enough. Being not good enough for him made me wonder if I was good enough in general, and that played out for me the way it typically does for single girls in drinking towns. Life got better after a while—I’ve dated some real winners, I have an awesome job now, and I just like myself a lot more—but I still couldn't get past his rejection.

Then I saw him with his new girl—I mean really saw them together—and it hit me: I was never “not good enough” for him.

The first mistake I'd made was putting the responsibility for my sense of self-worth on my partners. That was a tough lesson learned. I'm awesome, actually, whether I'm single or not. He was never The One—that's all. I'm great and so is she (and, honestly, so is he), and they are amazingly well suited for each other.

She works at night, she's down for drinking until 5 a.m., and she doesn't mind waking up at sunset—three absolute no-nos for me nowadays. I don't like sports or PBR, but she does, and their struggles and goals are more nearly similar than his and mine ever were. He and I were not a match in any way, shape or form. She's made for him; I’m not. I never was, and that's OK.

The point is: That person might be your crush, but that doesn't make that person The One. Don’t throw away good relationships because you're too busy kissing frogs.

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