I was almost run over yesterday while crossing Prince Avenue at Daily Groceries, and yes, it was a kid in an SUV talking on a cell phone. I threw the flag at him and shouted “fuck you,” but I’m not sure he noticed. My girlfriend says I should not have shouted “fuck you,” that I should have only shot him a bird, which he might have seen in his rearview mirror. Can you tell me, Bonita: What is the proper etiquette for expressing your outrage at nearly getting erased by a careless driver?

Oh, man. 'Tis the season for dodging cars again, eh? The roads are always treacherous for pedestrians in this town, but we can't pretend like they weren't safer when all the kids were gone for Christmas break. That particular spot is a real doozy, too, with people driving the wrong way down Pope and cars blasting through the pedestrian crosswalk while trying to beat the light at Barber.

I'm sure you've all figured this out by now: I’m not crazy about “taking the high road.” That's not to say I don't believe in leaving a conflict with dignity, but rather that I don't think moral superiority is more valuable than speaking your truth. This is a concept best applied in interpersonal relationships, but you can still work it when you've almost been killed in a crosswalk.

That said, I fully support you making rude gestures and yelling at that careless driver. The power imbalance is obvious when you're on foot and he’s in a giant SUV, and there's really not much else you can do when you've had a close call besides yell and cuss. It's not illegal, and that driver is pretty much asking for it by nearly erasing you. I don't think that driver deserves any compassion if he’s just putzing around on his phone and ignoring the road.

But be careful with that stuff; this is the South. A person once pulled a gun on me in traffic after I cut them off. If you're gonna buck back, be prepared for a possible confrontation.

I've known this woman for almost a decade, and we're great friends, but at this point in our lives we primarily keep touch through social media. We follow each other on everything—Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, all of them. She's an educator out west who travels a lot and has many pets and two great partners. She's thin and pretty and gets plenty of romantic attention even though she's not conventional in any way.

I'm mentioning all this because she is one of the most miserable people on Facebook ever! She writes these super long posts all the time complaining about everyday stuff like it's the end of the world. Most of it I think is stuff she can do something about. It's really petty stuff, like walking through cigarette smoke on the sidewalk or not liking the way someone looks at her. Everything is like the end of the world with her, and I can't stand reading about it anymore because I know she has a beautiful life.

I wanna unfollow and unfriend her on everything, but she'll freak out, and then I also won't be able to keep up with her. I just really don't like the person she's become online, and I need a break from that.

Annoyed

Hi Annoyed,

Friendship ain't easy, and this is one way our modern world has complicated it even more. It sounds like your friend either uses social media primarily to vent her frustrations, or she's a glutton for sympathy. Does she ever post about happy stuff? Also, I'd like to point out that if your primary means of contact with her is through social media, you shouldn't be so quick to assume she has a beautiful life. She's only showing you what she wants you to see. She sounds much more unhappy than you think she is.

Change the way you communicate with her. Unfollow and unfriend, yes, but don't tell her it's because you can't stand her online persona. Just say that you wanna start writing letters or talking on the phone more. You don't have to have that negativity in your newsfeed just to call her a friend. Make the conversation more one-on-one again.

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