Hey Bonita,

I wanna know why guys flake on women! It happens a lot, and not just to me, but all my girlfriends have some kind of story of dating a guy for a while, things go well for a week or two, then the guy just disappears. I recently hooked up with a co-worker who seemed really nice and interesting, but after we slept together he literally won't even look at me. Like, I'll walk down the hall, and he won't even make eye contact with me! He left some stuff at my house, actually, and I had to leave it in the break room for him because he wouldn't respond to my messages about picking it up.

I'm not sure what I did wrong there or in the past. I didn't call him a whole bunch or get all lovey-dovey. He obviously just wanted sex (and so did I), but my feelings are hurt that he's treating me like I don't exist now that we've been intimate. The sex wasn't the best, but I actually was down to get together again just to hook up one more time. I'm sick of this happening. We're ALL sick of this happening! Why is he being such a jerk?

I'm trying to think of more information to share about this… We didn't really talk before he hit me up last week to hang out, we got beer and watched a movie at my house, then we had sex, and now I'm apparently dead to him. I hate going to work now because it's just so uncomfortable to see him and wonder what he's thinking of me! It just makes me feel so insignificant or like I only have one thing to offer a guy.

Men who can't communicate honestly are the ones who flake, and boy did you get ahold of a big baby. There are a few possible explanations for his behavior:

This guy just wanted to get laid. He wasn't interested in getting familiar with any part of you except your vagina, but he couldn't just tell you that or go out and find a random hookup for the evening. He chose to manipulate sex out of you by feigning an a real interest in you, which is a textbook scumbag move, and I'm sorry it happened to you. Obviously he didn't have to do that, because you seem fine with no-strings-attached sexcapades.

It's also possible that he chose you as a conquest. Perhaps you were his great white buffalo. But you're not livestock; you're a person with emotions and needs. It's 2016, but there are still men out there who view women as playthings, as things to collect. I've known guys who actually cut notches into their bedposts.

Another explanation is that he did this because he wants sex without a relationship, but some part of him is not OK with purely casual encounters. He has to make it feel “real” in some way; he has to fake a certain amount of care and intimacy in order to get his erection. This is a guy who either physically can't have sex without love, or perhaps he is morally opposed to casual sex while also wanting to participate in it.

None of that is your problem. It is not your job to teach this boy how to communicate his desires or respect women, but hopefully he'll learn from this experience. Let him know he's hurt you by blowing you off post-coitus. I'm sure he's done it before, but who knows how many women have actually told him what's wrong with that? I'd guess not many.

Whatever his deal is, you deserve respect, and you have a right to your feelings. I'd also advise you to cut this guy off and let him become another face in the crowd, but the situation is complicated by you being co-workers. You're gonna have to get zen and ignore this guy until one of you quits.

And guys, you do not have to do this to single women. You do not have to act like you wanna hang out and get to know us when all you want is sex. Half the time that's all we want, too.

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