Hi,

I am not well versed in local politics or activism, but have been undergoing a sea change over the past three months. I was moved by the New York Times article describing the plight of the immigrant mom in Denver taking refuge in a church. I would like to suggest a movement recommending that all concerned illegal immigrants identify one or more local, friendly churches that would be willing to allow them to take refuge there. The rest of us would help with food, clothing and legal assistance and publicity, to get this stupid removal policy stopped.

Taking refuge in a church is so reminiscent of medieval times, and just what the current administration deserves. What do you think? I think it could go viral.

Sincerely,

Helen Wenner

Helen,

Isn't that what the Christian church is supposed to be? I think it's a marvelous idea, and much closer to the classic image of the church as a shelter for those in need.

I don't think most congregations are brave enough to stand up to the law in such a way, but then again, I stopped going to church when I was about 12 years old, after church leaders decided to cancel the youth choir's trip to Six Flags Over Georgia and instead give that money—which we kids had spent months raising—to our pastor as a gift. So, yeah, I have my issues with the church, but I know plenty of Christians whose hearts are bursting with love and who are eager to make a positive impact in some way.

I assume you go to church, so I'd recommend talking with members of your congregation and your pastor about outreach to the immigrant community. You can start by sponsoring an undocumented family, providing food or under-the-table jobs and giving them the basic support they'll need to prepare in case the crap really does hit the fan.

Also, you don't have to be well versed in local politics to have the kind of personal impact an act like this would make. There's no entrance exam for activism. Just start chatting up friends in your congregation, and take it from there. You can do this!

I recently realized that my newish girlfriend and I really only get intimate when she or both of us have been drinking. Is that weird? I try to initiate when she's sober, but she never goes for it. I like her, and I can see this relationship going places, but this part doesn't feel right to me. I just feel sort of icky realizing that I've been having sex with an always-drunk person for months now, and I really wanna ask her why she won't sleep with me when she's sober. Should I bring this up?

Absolutely, bring this up. It's a real red flag that she doesn't want to have sex when she's sober. Your level of sobriety doesn't seem to matter, but hers does. I'm not a psychologist, but I worry that she's got some sort of anxiety or self-image issue where she doesn't really feel like a sexual being when she's sober and in her own head. Or perhaps she feels like she “needs” alcohol to relax enough to have really great sex.

Either way, drunk sex should not be a constant in any relationship. That's a recipe for disaster—mark my words. It's hard to relax sometimes when you're being intimate with others, but no one should be self-medicating herself into a sensual headspace every time she gets it on.

Do you two party a lot? Did you meet while out on the town or intoxicated? There are a lot of questions to ask here. Make sure you're both sober when you talk about this, and be compassionate towards this obviously anxiety-driven behavior.

Need advice? Email [email protected], use our anonymous form, or find Bonita on Twitter: @flagpolebonita.