Need a recommendation for day drinking in Athens. Where do bored women go to day drink? Adult women, not students.

Looking

This is a pretty vague question, so the writer and I actually went back and forth over email for a while. My knee-jerk recommendation had been happy hour at our more adult local drinking establishments, but that wasn’t quite what he was looking for. There’s drinking while the sun is up at 5 p.m., but he seemed to be searching for gals who like a Long Island Iced Tea at noon. I asked him to flesh out this person a bit, and was given the example of “trophy wives who have had enough [or] team moms who need a break.”

That’s a peculiar description that dings a naughty bell for me. Was he looking for already-taken women for no-strings fun? The conversation ended before this dawned on me, but if that’s the case, I’d actually recommend looking online for companions. There are plenty of cheaters on Tinder—any profile with faceless photos is a sure sign—not to mention websites like Ashley Madison that cater specifically to those of us with something to hide. There’s also SeekingArrangement, a site for men with money to find young hotties to spoil.

Now, maybe our dear writer prefers to date face to face, and he seems to be pretty sure of finding his preferred type of mate at a bar. I’m hesitant to name specific businesses, but he and I both agreed that “family style” chain restaurants probably offer the best pickings for soccer moms who are ready to step out on their partner. Then again, I definitely got cruised pretty hardcore by a genuinely sexy 50-year-old man at a townie bar a while back, so you never know.

Still—and I don’t want to assume the worst of this question, but—I feel the need to say again that cheating is not necessary in this day and age. Communication works. If you want a low-commitment relationship and no kids, let your partner know before it gets too serious. If you’re so unhappy you are contemplating infidelity, work on the things that have you wanting to step out. If you want a partner who can provide financial stability, make that clear up front. Good luck!

Bonita,

"They" or "them" for one person bubbles my belly, too [Aug. 15]. But that's probably because I used to work in health and mental health, where "they" or "them" was either conjoined twins or a someone with multiple personalities.

Seems to me that most of the time in your column, "the jerk" would suffice. Or would this tend to hint that "they" were one of us that self-ID as male?

OK, then—"they." I'll just get used to it.

Respectfully,

One of Them

Thanks for your input! Personally, I’m very comfortable with the singular “they,” because I have spent much of my life in queer punk scenes, where gender has always been recognized as a social construct.

I totally understand how this evolution of language can be confusing and frustrating for some, but I believe that good people will do the hard work of learning about personal pronouns out of love for their fellow humans. Most of us would never disrespect or insult someone over their personal identity (gender, sex, race, et. al.), but some still scoff at the singular “they” like a mule digging its hooves into the past, refusing to budge. By using a person’s preferred pronouns, you are telling them, “I see you, and you deserve to be here as you are,” and you’re a better person for it. And, by extension, the world becomes better.

As far as this column is concerned, you’re right—“the jerk” might work just fine in most cases. But I also wanna say that I know lots of femmes and people assigned female at birth who use the singular “they.” So, you really never know!

Need advice? Email [email protected], use our anonymous form, or find Bonita on Twitter: @flagpolebonita.