I am a woman in my mid-20s and have been with my boyfriend for a little over three years. I have always had a higher sex drive than all the men I have dated, and I have learned to compromise. For the past few years, my BF and I were getting it on about three times a week, and I was able to keep myself satisfied the days that he was tired or did not feel like it. I was happy; he seemed happy. I assumed we were both attracted to each other.


In the past three months, however, he has only wanted to have sex twice. Two times in three months. I try to initiate or suggest, wear or do certain things, create a romantic mood, even have gone so far as to ask point blank, but nothing seems to work. Every time, he responds that he is too tired. We are both grad students, and some weeks are harder than others, but overall there has been no dramatic change in our work schedules in the past two months. I have not changed the way I look since we started dating: same weight, same style, etc. (I wanted to just rule that out as a reason he may not be attracted to me anymore, even though that would not be a good excuse, it might explain things.)


I talked calmly with him about a month ago and told him how it made me feel (unattractive, unwanted, unloved). I also would never want to pressure him into anything he did not want to do, so, of course, I assured him if he were really tired, sick or had any physical problems going on, I would understand and back off.


He assured me that he still finds me attractive, is still interested in sex, still loves me and has no physical issues. That was a month ago, and no change. His response every time I approach him is that he is too tired, no matter what time of day. As a strange result, my sex drive has dropped dramatically, and being around him no longer turns me on.  Nothing seems to have changed in our lives to explain this.


Otherwise, our relationship is great. We are very close, have a lot of fun, and spend a lot of time together. Should I give up on having a sex life? It has always been important to me, but I might be able to change my priorities. (My libido has already adjusted.) I am worried I will end up resenting him and feeling like he is  forcing me to live a life I don't want to live (I kind of already feel that way), but I love him and do not want to lose him.    Should I keep trying different things or am I just wasting time and energy? I really don't know what good another long talk will do, but maybe you could tell me what to say.


Please help me. 


Frustrated

Say everything you just said to me about your feelings and your relationship, and then tell him that you do not intend to go on like this. Your feelings are important, too, Frustrated, and he is not taking them into account. If he won’t tell you what’s going on, then he has either a) lost interest and doesn’t know how to tell you; or b) doesn’t care enough about your wants and needs. No one is that tired. Either way, Frustrated, if things don’t change then you are going to have to end this relationship. Sexual compatibility is important, and there is no reason to go on with a relationship that is doomed. I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but consider that the relationship may just have run its course. The longer you stay in it, the harder it will be to leave. Don’t settle.

I am a mid-20s male, and I am a virgin. See, I am, for the past 
couple of years, in great shape, and I can, without bias,
call myself average-looking or even mildly attractive, but I used to be
horridly obese for the most part of my life, and now I don't know how to
talk to a girl. I don't know what to make of any girl's reactions and I
feel that I took off in a very late start.


It's not that I am anti-social, either. I am a great friend, and people
say that I am sweet and interesting, but when it comes to romantic
encounters, or even a tiny spark between me and a girl, I feel like I am
five years old. The girls I end up daring to start a conversation with are
now my good friends, but none of them sees me as any romantic interest.
My gay friends are convinced I will eventually be available to them just
 because I am surrounded by pretty girls all the time but never had a
single girlfriend.


I want to change my life. I want to let girls know that I have a
romantic interest, too, and I want to be seen as someone they can date,
but I don't know how to start. None of my guy friends knows I am a
virgin, so I can't ask them for suggestions. You are my last hope, Jyl.
I don't want to end up like Steve Carell in one of his movies. Please 
help.

Virgin

This may sound crazy, Virgin, but I think you need to try to date strangers. I think if you go on the Internet and make your intentions clear, you might be less likely to end up in the “friend zone.” Don’t worry the virginity thing too much. Nobody will know unless you tell them, and there is no need to advertise that on your dating profile. And talking to girls? It’s not that hard! They’re just people, with the added bonus of boobs. Talk to them the way you talk to guys! There is no magic formula here. Just be yourself, find some women that share your interests, and be interested in who they are. Don’t worry so much.