Quick question: Is there a way to see WAY back in your database of columns? One of my exes told me a few months ago that a few years ago, his then girlfriend wrote a letter about me, and I was curious to try and find out what it said. (He said it was pretty hilarious, and she was throwing random insults at me.)  I was just wanting to know if there was a way to look way back.

Anonymous

It looks to me like you can just go to Flagpole.com and search the archives. Not sure how far they go back, because I only went through the first several tabs, but click on “Advice,” page down to the bottom and keep scrolling back until you find the date you’re looking for. If you don’t find it, write me again with some more details (specific date, specific insults, the nature of the question), and I’ll see what I can find. 

So, I work with this guy. Let’s call him Mike. Mike is nice enough, but he is kind of a pain in the ass. He has a good work ethic, and I respect him professionally. I know I can count on him, and he always helps me out. The thing is, I feel like he wants us to be friends, but I don’t really want to hang out with him outside of work. He has a lot of problems, for one thing. He seems like he always has a major issue or drama in his life. These often involve his very hot girlfriend but also include his brother and his mom. He talks about this stuff constantly, and he is always asking for advice. I try to help, but I do find him exhausting and needy. He also gets upset easily, and when he gets that way he is so distracted that I find myself having to pick up his slack. 

Like I said, he has a good work ethic, and I don’t think he is using this stuff as an excuse to get out of anything. It’s just that he can’t focus and get shit done when he has his mind on other stuff, and it makes my job harder. Imagine how I felt when I saw his very hot girlfriend out with some other guy. I was at a bar with some friends in a small town kind of far from where Mike and I work and live. She didn’t see me, so I didn’t say anything. I even had myself convinced for a minute that nothing was going on until I saw her making out with the guy half an hour later. She left with him late, barely walking because she was so drunk. I put it out of my mind, telling myself that it was none of my business. 

At work the next day, Mike was talking about how he and his girlfriend got in a fight. I didn’t ask what it was about, but he told me she had gone out with her girlfriends and got really drunk and drove home instead of calling him to pick her up. Again, I didn’t say anything. So, then, a couple weeks later, I saw her again, this time with a different dude, this time at a different bar, and this time she saw me, but not before she was obviously hanging all over the guy, flirting and putting her arms around him and everything. She didn’t say anything, but she definitely looked nervous when she saw me, and they left pretty quickly after that. She waved and smiled on her way out the door, but I could tell she was shitting herself. 

Now I don’t know what to do. I know I’m going to see Mike at work in two days. I know I won’t even get an answer from you by then, but I’m hoping you have some good advice. I know if I tell him, she will know I was the one who said something. It’s not like I care what she thinks of me, but, in a way, I just don’t want to be involved. I also know that if he gets upset, it is just going to fuck up my life at work, and Mike will either hate me for telling him or he will want to lean on me even more because I was a good friend and told him what was up. I really just want to be left out of it and do my job, but, at the same time, I feel really bad for the guy. He is in way over his head with this girl, and she is totally shitting on him. Please help me. I feel like I’m screwed no matter what I do at this point.

Thanks,

Mike’s Co-worker

I usually advise people who are not close to a situation like this to avoid it. My reasoning is that it isn’t really your business, neither of them is your friend, and that the person being cheated on may or may not believe you, so you might be sticking your neck out and just make matters worse because both parties may end up hating you. However, in your situation, I almost think that might be worth the risk. First, you know for sure that it is going on because you saw it with your own eyes. Next, Mike obviously knows that things are not good with his very hot girlfriend, and the constant drama is making him miserable, which is in turn making you miserable, so getting him the hell out of this crappy relationship might make both of your lives better.  You don’t seem to have any reason to worry that she will know it was you who told him. You’re not friends with her, right? So, who cares if she knows it was you? While I agree that his gratitude, should it materialize, may cause you a bit of grief, I think you should take the risk. Do the right thing now, and cross that bridge if you come to it.