• ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER (R) The historically playful Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter gets most things right until it whiffs on a tremendously silly climax that involves the 16th president personally overseeing a secret mission to save the Union Army at Gettysburg. Unfortunately, Seth Grahame-Smith, the author of the book upon which AL:VH is based, is proving far less resourceful as a screenwriter than as a historical revisionist (see Dark Shadows). A quick perusal of the book’s plot reveals a much more believable retelling of the Lincoln mythology; the movie not so much. Requiring fewer leaps of stylistic logic than director Timur Bekmambetov’s last movie, Wanted, the Russian helmer of Nightwatch/Daywatch still throws in a smattering of ridiculously unrealistic fight choreography. Little-known Benjamin Walker, who resembles a young Liam Neeson, acquits himself adequately as Lincoln. No other performance—all villainous vamps and useless sidekicks—matters. Had Grahame-Smith stuck more closely to his novel, AL:VH might have worked better. The key to historical revisionism is to hew as closely to the truth as possible. Then again, some whimsies—say, a stovepipe-hatted president fighting vampires on a train—might be better off left on the page as they look far too ridiculous in the cinematic light. 

ANNIE (PG) 1982. The classic musical starring Aileen Quinn is part of Ciné's Classic Kids Series. Little Orphan Annie sings and schemes her way out of an orphanage and away from its drunken house mother, Miss Hannigan, in search of her real parents, befriending a shaggy dog and a generous millionaire along the way. With Albert Finney and Carol Burnett.

THE AVENGERS (PG-13) The various Avengers—Robert Downey, Jr.’s Iron Man, Chris Evans’ Captain America, Chris Hemsworth’s Thor, another new Hulk (this time Mark Ruffalo gets to unleash the beast) and the rest—have assembled, and together they are a blast. But before they can battle Thor’s mischievous brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston), who is intent on enslaving the world with his other-dimensional army, Earth’s mightiest heroes have to sort out a few things among themselves. Joss Whedon and Zak Penn capture the bickering essence of a super-group. Every single one of these heroes benefits from Whedon’s trademark snappy banter and his way with ensembles. These characters thrive by not having to carry the movie on their own (the Hulk especially benefits from sharing the spotlight). Whedon has always loved the lady leads, and he gets more out of Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow than anyone else would have. Critical grumbling about The Avengers is minimal thanks to Whedon’s meticulously crafted screenplay and directorial vision (he heads his own verse for a reason) and the engaging ensemble. Once the paperwork is finalized so the team can go into action for the bang-up finale, The Avengers lives up to all the hype and expectation.

BATTLESHIP (PG-13) For a giant, dumb summer movie that could only be called Bay-esque, Battleship doesn’t sink itself. Earth gets more than it bargained for after scientists send signals into space in an attempt to add some extraterrestrial Facebook friends. The ETs that answer are not friendly, answering with massive Transformer-y ships and personality-less shock troopers. Fortunately, Earth has Taylor Kitsch, Landry from “Friday Night Lights,” Rihanna and Brooklyn Decker to fight the giant peg-bomb launching invaders. FX-laden, wannabe blockbusters based on board games can certainly be worse than this flick directed by Peter Berg (with a soundtrack programmed by a classic rock DJ named Mad Dog). A whole lot of seen-it-before and just enough something new keep this hulking behemoth afloat. Props to the writing Hoebers who fit in a sequence where the characters actually play a life-or-death version of Battleship; I haven’t seen such a great deadly game night since Never Say Never Again. The best/worst salvo I can launch at this flick is that it made me really yearn to play Battleship for the first time in years. Two hundred million dollars bought Hasbro a hell of a commercial.

BERNIE (PG-13) Richard Linklater’s latest film stars Jack Black as Bernie Tiede, a local Texas mortician who strikes up an unlikely friendship with wealthy widow Marjorie Nugent (Shirley MacLaine). When Bernie kills Marjorie, the model citizen (choir member, Sunday School teacher, all around helping hand) goes out of his way to make the townspeople believe she is still alive. Sound like another Bernie you know? I find certain Linklater comedies to require a specific sense of humor; we’ll have to see if Bernie is one of those films. With Matthew McConaughey.

THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL (PG-13) No better Avengers counterprogramming could exist than this British dramedy starring Oscar winner Dame Judi Dench, Bill Nighy, Dev Patel, Oscar winner Maggie Smith and Oscar winner Tom Wilkinson and directed by Shakespeare in Love Oscar nominee John Madden. A bevy of Brits travel to the subcontinent to stay at the posh, newly renovated Marigold Hotel, but the adverts prove misleading. Still, the hotel does begin to charm its English patrons. Based on the novel by Deborah Moggach.

• BRAVE (PG) A good, not great, Pixar film, Brave strays into traditional Disney territory after a tremendously magical first act. Headstrong Scottish Princess Merida (wonderfully voiced by the lovely Kelly Macdonald) wants to choose her own destiny. She does not want to marry the first-born of one of the clans allied with her father, the Bear King, Fergus (v. Billy Connolly), but her mother, Queen Elinor (v. Emma Thompson), will hear none of her complaints. In typical stubborn teenage fashion, Merida short-sightedly asks a wood-carving witch (v. Julie Walters) for a spell to change her mother. The aftermath of the spell leads to some heartwarming and charming derring-do, but the sitcom-ish mix-up is a bit stock for what we’ve come to expect from the studio that gave us Wall-E and Up, two animated features that transcended their cartoonish origins. Still, Brave is leaps and bounds more impressive than Cars 2 and would have fit nicely in the Disney Renaissance of the 1990s.

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS (R) Horror movies do not come much more perfect than The Cabin in the Woods, written by geek god Joss Whedon and one of his strongest protégés, Drew Goddard. A sublime tweaking of the entire slasher genre, Cabin’s deconstruction may be less meta than Scream, but its elaborate mythology—a staple of the Whedonverse—is transferable and adds a brand new reading to nearly every modern horror film. Five college friends (the most familiar face is the beardless one of Chris “Thor” Hemsworth, who can be seen in Whedon’s The Avengers) take a weekend trip to the woods that ends in a bloodbath.

DARK SHADOWS (PG-13) Having tried but never quite sunk my teeth into both previous versions of Dan Curtis’ gothic soap opera, I had few preconceptions going into Tim Burton/Johnny Depp’s high-concept reimagining. Sadly, the duo merely delivered a pretty-looking, rather dull oddity. (Burton’s output has become increasingly miss-and-hit.) Tossing much of the soap’s suds and upping the camp, the big screen Dark Shadows still involves many of the series’ major players: vampire Barnabas Collins (Depp), Elizabeth Collins Stoddard (Michelle Pfeiffer), Dr. Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter), Angelique (Eva Green), Willie Loomis (Jackie Earle Haley), Victoria Winters (Bella Heathcote) and Carolyn Stoddard (Chloe Grace Moretz). That list of names will mean little to the scores of uninitiated young Burton/Depp fans looking for another Alice in Wonderland, which this horror comedy most certainly is not. That movie’s billion-dollar success has fortunately allowed Burton to indulge his quirkier side at Collinswood. Still, his latest movie becomes shockingly boring after the extremely amusing early scenes of 200-plus-year-old Barnabas adapting to the 1970s. Depp produces another entertaining character, a la Jack Sparrow, but as the movie approaches the two hour mark, he grows as tedious as the blockbuster he solely supports.

DINER (R) 1982. Rain Man Oscar winner Barry Levinson announced his writing-directing presence in a big way, and received an Oscar nomination for Best Original Screenplay, with this nostalgic look at impending adulthood in 1959 Baltimore. The cast of potential stars—Steve Guttenberg, Mickey Rourke, Kevin Bacon, Daniel Stern, Tim Daly, Paul Reiser and Ellen Barkin—may have dimmed, but the film itself has not. Part of the GMOA’s Summer Film Series, held in conjunction with the exhibit, “John Baeder.”

DR. SEUSS’ THE LORAX (PG) Released on Dr. Seuss’ 108th birthday, this pleasant animated adaptation of the beloved children’s author’s environmental fable fails to utterly charm like the filmmakers’ previous animated smash, Despicable Me. The Lorax may visually stun you, and Danny DeVito’s brief time as voice of the Lorax could stand as his greatest role, one that will go unrecognized by any professional awards outside of the Annies.

HYSTERIA (R) (NR) Maggie Gyllenhaal stars in this period sex comedy about the invention of the vibrator by Dr. Mortimer Granville (Hugh Dancy, last seen in Our Idiot Brother and Martha Marcy May Marlene). Joining Maggie G and Dancy are Jonathan Pryce, Felicity Jones (Like Crazy), Rupert Everett and Ashley Jensen. Hysteria may be the third movie from director Tanya Wexler (Ball in the House and Finding North), but it’s the first one to get a wide release.

THE LUCKY ONE (PG-13) The Notebook it is not, but The Lucky One will not disappoint Nicholas Sparks’ fans looking for some sappy romance and a shirtless Zac Efron. A Marine named Logan (Efron) survives several incidents after finding a picture of a woman. When he returns to the states, he seeks out this woman, whom he learns is named Beth (Taylor Schilling, still recovering from Atlas Shrugged: Part I) to thank her for saving his life. But things get complicated when he falls for her and her young son, Ben (Riley Thomas Stewart), and runs afoul of her ex/Ben’s dad (Jay R. Ferguson, who excels at clueless d-bags), a deputy sheriff and son of big-time local judge/prospective mayor. The war scenes are thankfully short, making me wonder how much worse they could have been on the page, and director Scott Hicks (some fine films like Shine and Snow Falling on Cedars) illustrates this romance with some gorgeous, magazine spread cinematography (word to Alar Kivilo, whose work to date has never betrayed this artistic an eye). Will love conquer all or is this another one of Sparks’ tearjerkers? Only 141 minutes of your life stand between you and the answer.

MADAGASCAR 3: EUROPE’S MOST WANTED (PG)

By now, franchise fans know what to expect from the adventures of Alex the lion (v. Ben Stiller), Marty the zebra (v. Chris Rock), Melman the giraffe (v. David Schwimmer) and Gloria the hippo (v. Jada Pinkett Smith). These four former denizens of the New York Zoo team up again with those wacky penguins and some nutty Lemurs (voiced by Sacha Baron Cohen, Cedric the Entertainer and Andy Richter) in an aborted attempt to return home. This time, the gang is waylaid in Europe by a circus featuring animals voiced by Bryan Cranston (“Breaking Bad” season five cannot get here fast enough), Jessica Chastain and the reliably funny yet equally annoying Martin Short. But a crazed French animal control officer, Captain Chantel Dubois (v. Frances McDormand), is hot on the animals’ trail. No one should be coming into Madagascar 3 blind. This third entry proffers more cute fun in a long first act chase than either of its predecessors, and that’s before any of the appealing new characters are introduced. Madagascar 3 should keep the kiddies happy until Pixar’s Brave on June 22.

MADEA’S WITNESS PROTECTION (PG-13) Tyler Perry has needlessly overplotted his latest Madea pic. According to the jam-packed logline, an investment banker is relocated to Madea’s house. Just the idea of Eugene Levy interacting with Perry’s Madea is entertaining. Toss Denise Richards, Tom Arnold and Doris Roberts into the mix, and you have the most exotic-sounding Madea movie yet. It might not be good, but the curiosity quotient has been raised. As usual, TP writes, directs and stars as Madea, Joe and Brian.

MAGIC MIKE (R) A stripper comedy, starring Channing Tatum, upon whose pre-star life the story is based, and directed by Steven Soderbergh, who already directed Tatum once this year (Haywire)? You’ve got my attention. This flick sounds like interesting counterprogramming to the summer’s superhero jams. With Alex Pettyfer (I Am Number Four and Beastly), Matthew McConaughey, Olivia Munn, Wendi McLendon-Covey (the “Reno: 911!” alum who made an impression in Bridesmaids) and Mircea Monroe (Showtime’s underrated Matt LeBlanc vehicle, “Episodes”).

MARLEY (PG-13) Academy Award winning filmmaker Kevin Macdonald (the award winning docs One Day in September and Touching the Void, as well as the award winning feature The Last King of Scotland) documents the life, music and legend of Bob Marley. The feature documentary makes use of rare footage, live performances and interviews with the family, friends and Wailers that knew Marley best. A can’t miss for Marley fans. Part of the Athfest Filmfest 2012 Rock Docs series.

MEN IN BLACK III (PG-13) Confession time: I never saw Men in Black II. I’m OK with that oversight. Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones reprise their roles as Agent J and Agent K. Apparently, Smith’s J time travels back to 1969 to stop an alien from assassinating his partner, whose younger version is played by Josh Brolin. Director Barry Sonnenfeld returns and could really use a hit. With Alice Eve, Jemaine Clement, Emma Thompson and Bill Hader as Andy Warhol.

MIRROR MIRROR (PG) Not much clicks in 2012’s first reimaging of Snow White (the darker Snow White and the Huntsman is out now). Julia Roberts does not an Evil Queen make; the anachronistic dialogue is wincingly unfunny and the live action cartoon, overflowing with Stooge-y slapstick, is a tonal decision only pleasing to undiscriminating children, many of whom found Mirror Mirror to be rousingly delightful. It’s not.

PROJECT X (R) As a responsible adult, I lament how this teen comedy, produced by The Hangover's Todd Phillips, condones the Internet era’s hedonism as teenage rite of passage. Three unpopular high schoolers (Thomas Mann, Oliver Cooper and Jonathan Daniel Brown) throw a party so wild (sex, drugs, alcohol, fire, a midget; it’s like the boys go to Bret Easton Ellis High) that not even the cops can stop it, a conceit that play rights into teenagers’ already overinflated egos. As a former teenager, I wish I’d been invited. The appeal of Project X truly depends on the perspective—adult or teen—from which you view it as the party supplies few surprising acts of debauchery. It does add a novel running gag about two overzealous, overmatched teen security guards. Their misadventures had a sense of freshness from which the rest of this slightly tired party flick could have benefited.

PROMETHEUS (R) A beyond competent, philosophical science fiction film, director Ridley Scott’s return to the Alien universe he helped create in 1979 is good without ever fulfilling its promise to be great. Prometheus, co-written by “Lost” co-creator Damon Lindelof, is so fueled by mystery that you may want to avoid the Internet and this review until you’ve seen it. Even with series tropes like androids, corporate shenanigans and body horror, Prometheus is not quite the Alien prequel fans may be expecting/hoping for, but the feature is one of the most thought-provoking, recent science fiction films released by a major studio. The origins of human life are, if not explained, forever altered as a group of scientists, including Noomi Rapace (Sweden’s Lisbeth Salander), Charlize Theron and Michael Fassbender, encounter a species of extraterrestrials they call the Engineers, but something more deadly also lurks on moon LV-223. Big ideas meet big production values, and the result is an intelligent first two acts of epic science fiction that call to mind 2001 as much as Alien. However, the untidy final act fails to tie events together in a satisfying way for fans of either Prometheus or Alien.

THE RAVEN (R) American acting institution John Cusack stars as American literary institution Edgar Allan Poe in this fictionalized version of the poet’s final days, spent hunting a serial killer that is recreating the deaths from Poe’s own stories. V for Vendetta director James McTeigue helms this entertaining sounding historical thriller. Ironically, this Poe flick is cowritten by a woman with the last name Shakespeare. With Alice Eve (She’s Out of My League), Luke Evans and Brendan Gleeson.

ROCK OF AGES (PG-13) Warning: Anyone with a keen knowledge of rock and roll from 1977–1987 will be endlessly sidetracked by this popular jukebox musical’s utter disregard for the chronological progression of the period’s rock music. Early '80s Journey hits are supposedly written in 1987; Guns N’ Roses favorites were popularized in the era of KISS’ “Alive II”; songs from 1989 are included as diegetic music. Yet the musicological stupidity matters little when Tom Cruise takes the stage as Stacie Jaxx, an Axl Rose-ian fallen rock god. Cruise inhabits the insular American idol, generously giving him unexpected extra-dimensionality, and the star can belt out the hits to boot. Even with the stage musical’s rough edges and rougher characters (Jaxx in particular) worn down and its lack of nudity (or hard drugs), Rock of Ages could still have earned an R rating for thematic elements alone; one wonders if the MPAA does more than look for nipples and listen for f-bombs. Pay less attention to the trifling story of a small-town girl and city boy and more to the '80s earworms and fun performances from Cruise, Russell Brand, Alec Baldwin, Catherine Zeta-Jones and more for a Broadway treat at a seventh of the price.

• SEEKING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD (R) A pre-apocalyptic, blackly comic romance starring Steve Carell and Keira Knightley does not quite scream summer movie, but the directorial debut of Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist scripter Lorene Scafaria could possibly turn out to be summer 2012’s overlooked gem. While an asteroid careens fatally toward the planet, Dodge (Carell, who continues to show above average instincts when it comes to picking projects), whose wife has recently and suddenly deserted him, and Penny (Knightley), freshly broken up with yet another boyfriend (Adam Brody), escape the riot-filled city on a mission to reunite Dodge with his high school sweetheart. On their road trip, this unlikely duo meets some odd cats played by familiar television pals. This rambling, romantic travelogue is more comfortable quietly musing about the end of the world amid interludes of subtle comedy than one would expect from a summer romcom. Its final destination is near impossible to predict, and getting to that unmarked end is both sadly romantic and redemptively full of life. However, like NBC’s quirky, unfairly underwatched Thursday night offerings, “Community” and “Parks and Rec,” what Seeking a Friend… might really be looking for is a paying audience.

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN (PG-13) 2012’s second Snow White movie (she’s also a television star on ABC’s “Once Upon a Time”) tweaks the fairy tale with the pale beauty (Kristen Stewart, Twilight) and the huntsman (Chris Hemsworth, Thor), sent by Charlize Theron’s Evil Queen to kill her, instead teaming up to overthrow her majesty. Director Rupert Sanders is an unknown entity; thankfully, the cast includes the familiar faces of Toby Jones, Ian McShane, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost and Bob Hoskins. Written by Drive’s Hossein Amini.

TED (R) A grown man (Mark Wahlberg) has a childhood wish come true when his teddy bear comes to life. This comedy comes from “Family Guy” impresario Seth MacFarlane, who is making his big-screen debut. Will film MacFarlane be the same as TV’s MacFarlane? I guess we’ll find out. Expect lots of family guy regulars and MacFarlane pals like Mila Kunis, Giovanni Ribisi, Patrick Warburton, Laura Vandervoort (“Smallville”’s Supergirl) and Joel McHale (who deserves a starring role in something).

• THAT’S MY BOY (R) Is That’s My Boy, Adam Sandler’s latest cinematic atrocity, as bad as the trailer lets on? It’s worse, but in a can’t look away from the accident sort of way that leads a viewer to keep watching until the end, imagining and finally hoping that it doesn’t get any worse. Sandler completely reverts to “SNL”-level character creation as Donny Berger, a guy who ascended to the top of the pop cultural slide after banging (a bit of sexual slang that has never fit better) his hot middle school teacher (Eva Amurri Martino) and getting her pregnant. Now all grown up and flat broke, Donny hopes to hook up to its rising star of a son, Todd (Andy Samberg), and get the money he needs. But Todd wants little to do with his “young” man, what with his impending nuptials to pretty, uptight Jamie (Leighton Meester). Expect the expected, but don’t expect to laugh. Every rude, crude, R-rated joke you can imagine Sandler and crew (Allen Covert, Nick Swardson, etc.) had saved up over the years is included. A gross-out comedy in which no one appears to be trying, That’s My Boy might not be the year’s worst, but it’s close.

THINK LIKE A MAN (PG-13) Anything I wanted to like about Think Like a Man is tainted by the casual homophobia, sexism and racism the movie attempts to pass off as comedy, and that’s a shame for the hilarious Kevin Hart, who is finally, smartly given a showcase role. Based on Steve Harvey’s romantic self-help tome, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, the movie, written by the scripters of Friends with Benefits, sometimes feels like a late night infomercial for Harvey’s patented way to win a man. We have six unbelievably mismatched buddies—Hart’s divorced dude, Romany Malco’s “playa,” Michael Ealy’s “dreamer,” Jerry “Turtle” Ferrara’s noncommittal white dude, Terrence J’s “mama’s boy” and some other white married guy—and the women (Gabrielle Union, Taraji P. Henson, Meagan Good and Regina Hall) who want them to settle down. Begin the chapter scenarios. Woody Allen attempted something like this to funnier results when he adapted Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex; a more relevant and even less successful adaptation would be 2009’s He’s Just Not That Into You. If you really want to take romantic advice from Steve Harvey, filtered through Turtle, it’s your love life.