COLORBEARER OF ATHENS, GEORGIA LOCALLY OWNED SINCE 1987
August 7, 2013

Movie Dope

Short descriptions of movies playing in and around Athens...

• 2 GUNS (R) After a summer of superheroes, giant robots and giant-er special FX, these two guns loaded with humor-piercing banter, accurately shot by two dead-eyes like Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg, are a welcome change of pace. DEA Agent Bobby “Beans” Trench and Navy Intelligence Officer Michael “Stig” Stigman are two unlikely partners. Both believe the other to be a law breaker. When they unwittingly steal $43.125 million from a shadowy organization, represented by Earl (Bill Paxton), they must trust one another again to clear both their names. Wahlberg’s first venture with director Baltasar Kormakur, the decent crime thriller Contraband, had little of the charm or wit of this thoroughly entertaining buddy action comedy. Washington and Wahlberg have great chemistry, and the latter shines. Kormakur smartly stays out of the way, confidently allowing his leads and supporting cast to do the heavy lifting. 2 Guns is loaded and hits the bull’s eye with every shot.

20 FEET FROM STARDOM (PG-13) Award winning filmmaker Morgan Neville shines a light on the backup singers that made some of the greatest musical icons of the 20th century sound so good. Interviewees include Bruce Springsteen, Mick Jagger, Stevie Wonder, Sting, Sheryl Crow and Bette Midler. (Ciné)

BEFORE MIDNIGHT (R) Jesse and Celine (Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy) have come a long ways from 1995’s Before Sunrise. Our third glimpse into Jesse and Celine’s lives paints a realistic landscape of adult relationships founded upon love. Many viewing pairs will see themselves, arguing and rearguing their own alternatingly petty and weighty complaints. (Ciné)

BREATHLESS 1960. Ciné continues its Summer Classic Movie Series with the French New Wave hit that made Jean-Luc Godard a worldwide sensation and uncrowned Citizen Kane as many a critic’s best film ever. Jean-Paul Belmondo and Jean Seberg star as a low-rent French criminal and his American girlfriend. UGA Film Studies Professor Richard Neupert will provide the introduction. (Ciné)

THE CONJURING (R) Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga) investigate the things that go bump in the night. Most times, a rational explanation solves the case; sometimes, it’s something paranormal. The occurrences in the Perron family’s new house are not just paranormal; they’re malevolent. James Wan (Saw, Insidious) stages the Perron’s haunting with utmost care. From the font in the opening credits, the film harkens back to the '70s and places itself not as a wannabe, but as a peer next to such modern classics as The Amityville Horror and (dare I type it) The Exorcist

DESPICABLE ME 2 (PG) When a new super villain steals a dangerous, experimental serum, the Anti Villain League enlists former master criminal Gru’s (v. Steve Carell) assistance. Despicable Me 2 has no shot at surpassing expectations like its underdog predecessor, and its appeal to anyone over ten probably depends on one’s tolerance for the Minions, whose roles have been enlarged with their own spinoff in the works for 2014. 

ELYSIUM Matt Damon stars as a factory worker who is bonded with an exoskeleton so he can sneak onto the manmade space habitat housing humanity’s remaining rich and famous. Jodie Foster is the government official keeping the regular folk on icky old Earth. All the toys in Director Neil Blomkamp’s badass universes look like prototypes from his aborted Halo movie, which will hopefully someday get a new green light. 

EPIC (PG) Unbeknownst to humanity, the forests are protected by the Leafmen, who constantly do battle with the Boggans, led by Mandrake (v. Christoph Waltz). When M.K. (v. Amanda Seyfried) is magically transported to their world, she must ensure the survival of the forest. The movie, based on William Joyce's book, The Leafmen, does far too little to avoid Star Wars comparisons; it practically invites them. See bird racing (pod racing) and the two slugs who give off a distinct R2D2/C3PO sidekick vibe. 

FAST & FURIOUS 6 (PG-13) Furious 6 puts Dominic “Dom” Toretta (Vin Diesel), Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) and the rest on the heels of big bad Shaw (Luke Evans), as they seek to recover Letty (Michele Rodriguez) and attain pardons all around from Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson). If a muscle car mag filled with bikini-covered boobs and chrome was adapted into a movie, this flick would be it. 

FRUITVALE STATION (R) Fruitvale Station enters theaters having established quite a pedigree, picking up Sundance’s prestigious Grand Jury Prize (and Audience Award) plus the Best First Film Award at the Cannes Film Festival. Writer-director Ryan Coogler based his feature debut on the real life events that occurred to Oscar Grant, played by “Friday Night Lights”’ Michael B. Jordan, on the last day of 2008. 

GIRL MOST LIKELY (PG-13) Once the next big thing, playwright Imogene (Kristen Wiig) resorts to faking a suicide attempt to get her ex’s attention. As a result, Imogene is placed in the care of her gambling addict mother, Zelda (Annette Bening). Imogene’s childhood house is already pretty full, what with her mother’s compulsive liar boyfriend (Matt Dillon), Imogene’s reclusive brother (Christopher Fitzgerald) and a young singing stranger (Darren Criss) now sleeping in her old bedroom. Girl Most Likely is populated with characters far too cartoonishly quirky to generate more than a chuckle. Wiig shouldn’t have hurt her rising stardom too much; she just didn’t help it.

THE GREAT GATSBY (PG-13) A creative, stylistic tour de force, the film starts off kinetic to the point of claustrophobia. The constant moving and zooming camera and non-stop edits choke the air out of the first act. The film doesn’t stop its constant Charlestoning until Nick Carroway (Tobey Maguire) meets reclusive millionaire Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio) at one of the latter’s renowned parties. Baz Luhrmann’s always favored style over substance, and the Roaring '20s are a great place to indulge his whims. 

GROWN UPS 2 (PG-13) With nary a grown-up in it, this sequel to Adam Sandler’s second biggest box office hit of all time is worse than its sub-par predecessor. Former Hollywood bigshot Lenny Feder (Sandler) moves his family back to his tiny hometown, but rather than spend time with them, he mostly hangs out with his childhood besties. Grown Ups 2’s biggest accomplishment is how worthless it is. Argue all you want about what a great guy Sandler is, because at this point in his career you’ll find it impossible to convince someone he’s still funny, or better yet, relevant. 

THE HEAT (R) Uptight FBI agent Sarah Ashburn (Sandra Bullock) needs the help of foulmouthed, unpopular Boston cop Shannon Mullins (Melissa McCarthy) to take down a dangerous drug lord. Bullock and McCarthy don’t have Fey/Pohler chemistry. Nevertheless, enough cannot be said about how refreshing it is to watch a buddy cop comedy starring two women. The Heat may not be smoking, but after a barren first act, it’s pretty darn funny.

I’M SO EXCITED (R) Almodovar is back! The trailer for I’m So Excited doesn’t explain much, but it certainly is Almodovarian. Three flight attendants lip sync and dance to The Pointer Sisters’ titular hit, and that’s about it. Apparently, a technical failure has doomed the flight, leaving the pilots and crew to attempt everything in their power to make their passengers last moments as pleasant as possible. Don’t be surprised when Almodovar muses Antonio Banderas and Penelope Cruz pop by. (Ciné)

THE INTERNSHIP (PG-13) As a follow-up to stars Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson’s Wedding Crashers, this movie would have killed in 2007. Of course, the economy hadn’t quite tanked at that point, so the tale of two down-on-their-luck salesmen forced to tackle a Google internship wouldn’t quite have had much relevance. The movie made me feel as if I’d stumbled upon a big budget training video for new Google employees. Sadly, most training videos are unintentionally funnier. Do with this movie what the movie folks at Google should have done: say no.

KEVIN HART: LET ME EXPLAIN (R) Kevin Hart is one of the more entertaining and, more importantly, least disappointing stand-up comics turned actor. If you missed his return to the stage for the 2012 “Let Me Explain” world tour, you can now catch his sold-out show at Madison Square Garden in this concert film which may or may not have been directed by the Tim Story of Fantastic Four and Barbershop fame. 

LOVELACE (R) Amanda Seyfried stars as the titular porn star, whose turn in the infamous Deep Throat made her a household name. The rest of the impressive cast includes Peter Sarsgaard, Juno Temple, Adam Brody, Hank Azaria and James Franco as Hugh Hefner! Two-time Oscar winner Rob Epstein and his documentary directing partner Thomas Friedman must have decided they liked fictional features after helming Howl with Franco. (Ciné)

MONSTERS UNIVERSITY (G) Monsters University lacks the Pixar pop of their undeniably great features (Up, Wall-E, Toy Story 3). In this prequel to Monsters, Inc., we learn how Mike (v. Billy Crystal) and Sully (v. John Goodman) met. Apparently, the two scarers didn’t start as best buds. First, they were scaring rivals at Monsters University. This Revenge of the Monster Nerds doesn’t creatively bend college life for monsters as one would expect. Fortunately, the animation, especially the creature design, is as lush and lifelike as ever. 

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING (PG-13) Alexis Denisof and Amy Acker wittily bicker as Benedick and Beatrice, the pair of lovers who cannot stand one another. Decide for yourself which is more lush, the gorgeous black and white cinematography or the Elizabethan language. Joss Whedon plus Shakespeare is a match made in heaven.  Prithee, do thine own self a favor and get thy butt to Ciné before the party’s over. (Ciné)

MUD (PG-13) A coming of age tale set in the disappearing wilds of the small town south, Mud aims high, as Nichols attempts to channel Mark Twain, and hits the target square in the bull’s eye. Two teens—Ellis (Tye Sheridan) and Neckbone (Jacob Lofland)—discover a boat in a tree. They also discover Matthew McConaughey’s Mud, a fugitive living in the boat in the tree, while he waits to escape with the love of his life, Juniper (Reese Witherspoon). Mud watches like a work of modern literature, capturing the last gasps of a dying culture as one boy becomes a man. 

PACIFIC RIM (PG-13) A portal to another dimension opens in the Pacific, unleashing giant monsters called Kaiju on humanity, who builds giant robots called Jaegers to counter them. Years into a losing war, the Jaeger program leader, Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba), takes one last chance, sending the last surviving robots and pilots to close the portal for good. The most well-realized blockbuster of its kind, Pacific Rim delivers the childlike robot action missing from all three misguided Transformers flicks. Writer-director Guillermo del Toro’s smartest move was leaving the snark and the cynicism to lesser movies.

PERCY JACKSON: SEA OF MONSTERS (PG) The not terrible but certainly underwhelming Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief finally gets a sequel, and the most exciting thing about it isn’t an excuse to ogle Alexandra Daddario. This time it’s Nathan Fillion, as Hermes in a suit. “Buffy”’s Anthony (Stewart) Head replacing Pierce Brosnan doesn’t bother me a bit either. Percy and pals’ newest adventure has them seeking the Golden Fleece to save Camp Half-Blood. Diary of a Wimpy Kid’s Thor Freudenthal directs.

PLANES (PG) Remember Disney owns Pixar, and the House of Mouse is solely responsible for this expansion of the Cars universe that pleases kids as much as it bores adults. Dusty (voiced by Dane Cook, another slap in the Pixar face), a crop duster, dreams of competing in an aerial race. Unfortunately, he’s afraid of heights. Waa-waa. The trailer should depress any adult that knows a screening is in their near future. Will it be worse than Cars 2?

RED 2 (PG-13) Retired Extremely Dangerous CIA operative Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) is trying to live a quiet life with his girlfriend, Sarah (Mary-Louise Parker). But then his paranoid pal, Martin (John Malkovich), shows up, and another caper begins. This time, the boys (and girl) are being hunted by everyone, including an old pal, Victoria Winters (Helen Mirren), and an old enemy, Han Cho Bai (Byung-hun Lee). The quips fly as fast as the bullets. Red 2 won’t set the world on fire, but if your old 80s action VHS tapes have worn thin, this new movie will fit the bill quite nicely.

R.I.P.D. (PG-13) Summer’s biggest bomb absolutely deserves its box office failure. This misguided adaptation of Peter M. Lenkov’s comic, Rest in Peace Department, stars Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges as deceased cops—former Boston PD detective Nick Walker and Old West lawman Roy Pulsipher—tasked with bringing in rogue spirits. If you think this flick is a Men in Black rip off, it pretty much is. 

• THE SMURFS 2 (PG) Even the Smurfs seem less “smurfed” up about their sequel. Gargamel (Hank Azaria, still ruining a great cartoon villain) creates some fake Smurfs—he calls them Naughties. Vexy (v. Christina Ricci) and Hackus (v. J.B. Smoove) are an un-Smurf-like gray, so Gargamel kidnaps Smurfette (v. Katy Perry), who holds the secret to turning the Naughties blue. Sadly, Smurfette is an easier target than usual as the birthday girl feels forgotten by Papa Smurf (v. the late Jonathan Winters) and the rest of her blue brethren. (She’s the only girl; no blue-blooded Smurf ever forgets Smurfette.) Maybe the kids will be entertained again, but the illogical trip to Paris, where Gargamel has become a big celebrity magician, will flummox adults. Neil Patrick Harris, Jayma Mays and franchise newbie Brendan Gleeson don’t add that much to the movie. I’d have preferred a more fantastical adventure that takes place wholly in the Smurfs’ home realm. Kudos to the voice work by Anton Yelchin, Winters and “The Daily Show”’s John Oliver. They really “smurfed” it. The rest of the disposable family film is just “smurfy.”

THE TO DO LIST (R) I really want this teen comedy to be good, mostly so that Aubrey Plaza can become a bigger star, a la Emma Stone in Easy A. Before heading off to college, a sexually inexperienced, straight A student (Plaza) makes a to do list of experiences she needs to have before setting foot on campus. Maggie Carey, a “Funny or Die Presents…” alum, directs from her own screenplay. 

TURBO (PG) After a first act highlighted by endearing animation and stellar voice work from Ryan Reynolds and Paul Giamatti, Turbo gets stupid, as the main mollusk is imbued with the abilities of a car (not just speed but alarm, radio and headlights) after a freak accident involving a street racer and some nitrous. Turbo and his other racing snail pals—including Whiplash (v. Samuel L. Jackson) and Smoove Move (v. Snoop Dogg)—head to the Indy 500, where they will face off against defending champion and the world’s greatest racecar driver, Guy Gagne (v. Bill Hader). Turbo will mostly appeal to those kiddies for whom Cars has run out of gas. I never imagined animated snails could be so appealing. 

THE WAY, WAY BACK (PG-13) This coming of age comedy stars Liam James as Duncan, who negotiates a summer with his mom (Toni Collette) and her boyfriend (Steve Carell) by getting a job at a local water park, where he is befriended by its odd owner (Sam Rockwell). This Sundance favorite looks appealing enough to be summer’s indie breakout hit. 

WE’RE THE MILLERS (R) Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Aniston, Emma Roberts and Will Poulter (Son of Rambow’s Lee Carter) star as a fake family being paid $100,000 to bring a load of pot across the Mexican border. Director Rawson Marshall Thurber made us want to play Dodgeball, but his Mysteries of Pittsburgh remains largely unsolved.

THE WOLVERINE (PG-13) A darker, more complicated hero than Marvel’s super-bankable Iron Man and Spider-Man, Wolvie poses a narrative difficulty, much like The Punisher, who Hollywood has yet to get right. The Wolverine comes closest to nailing this popular, mysterious icon. After the events of X-Men: The Last Stand, Logan has shed his Wolverine persona to live a solitary life in the woods. However, the last request of a dying friend whisks the clawed one off to Japan. Director James Mangold and writers Mark Bomback and Scott Frank chose smartly in adapting Frank Miller and Chris Claremont’s seminal 1982 limited series. 

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