COLORBEARER OF ATHENS, GEORGIA LOCALLY OWNED SINCE 1987
September 25, 2013

Movie Dope

2 GUNS (R) DEA Agent Bobby “Beans” Trench (Denzel Washington) and Navy Intelligence Officer Michael “Stig” Stigman (Mark Wahlberg) are two unlikely partners. When they unwittingly steal $43.125 million from a shadowy organization, represented by Earl (Bill Paxton), they must trust one another again to clear both their names. 2 Guns is loaded and hits the bull’s eye with every shot.

BAGGAGE CLAIM (PG-13) This movie does not look good. Paula Patton stars as Montana, a single flight attendant who vows to woo a suitor over 30 days and 30,000 miles. David E. Talbert directs his second feature film (his first was First Sunday, an Ice Cube church comedy I’m sure you wish I hadn’t brought back up), which he adapted from his own novel. 

BATTLE OF THE YEAR (PG-13) The Battle of the Year attracts breakdancing teams from around the world. The American team hasn’t won the trophy in 15 years. Josh Holloway (Sawyer from “Lost”) stars as the basketball coach tasked with turning these individual superstars, including Chris Brown and Josh Peck (Red Dawn), into a team. The presence of Brown is an immediate turnoff. Director Benson Lee’s previous feature was the award winning breakdancing documentary, Planet B-Boy.

BEER HUNTER A documentary tribute to beer and whiskey writer Michael Jackson. (Ciné)

BLACKFISH (PG-13) Documentarian Gabriela Cowperthwaite investigates the controversial captivity of killer whales for the ever popular SeaWorld shows through the story of Tilikum, an orca responsible for the deaths of several trainers. (Ciné)

BLUE JASMINE (PG-13) Oh my god! Andrew Dice Clay in a Woody Allen movie? I’m so in. I don’t even need to know what the film’s plot is. (A rich woman moves in with her down to earth sister after her cheating husband loses everything.) Apparently, Allen’s back from his European sojourn, though he hasn’t returned to New York yet; this drama is set in San Francisco.

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2 (PG) The animated family comedy, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, wasn’t quite one for which a sequel seemed necessary. Inventor Flint Lockwood (v. Bill Hader) is working for The Live Corp Company when he must leave his job to investigate claims that his machine is creating food-animal hybrids. This flick sounds like it barely escaped a direct to DVD launch.

THE CONJURING (R) The occurrences in the Perron family’s new house are not just paranormal; they’re malevolent. James Wan (Saw, Insidious) stages the Perron’s haunting with utmost care. From the font in the opening credits, the film harkens back to the '70s and places itself not as a wannabe, but as a peer next to such modern classics as The Amityville Horror and (dare I type it) The Exorcist

DESPICABLE ME 2 (PG) When a new super villain steals a dangerous, experimental serum, the Anti Villain League enlist Gru’s (v. Steve Carell) assistance. Despicable Me 2 has no shot at surpassing expectations like its underdog predecessor, and its appeal to anyone over ten probably depends on one’s tolerance for the Minions, whose roles have been enlarged with their own spinoff in the works for 2014. 

DON JON (R) A Jersey boy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) loves his family, his car, the ladies and Internet pornography. However, it’s his porn obsession that brings him trouble in his relationship with Barbara (Scarlett Johannson). Gordon-Levitt is one of my favorite current actors, and he’s surrounded himself with an interesting cast (Julianne Moore and Tony Danza?) in his well-received dramatic comedy.

ELYSIUM (R) In 2154, the Earth has gone from third rock from the sun to third world. Orbiting in the skies above the planet is Elysium, where the wealthy live forever thanks to breakthroughs in medical technology. Tricked out with an exoskeleton that makes him stronger and nearly invincible, injured ex-con turned factory worker Max De Costa (Matt Damon) goes all Terminator until he gets to Elysium, run by ice-cold Defense Secretary Delacourt (Jodie Foster). 

THE FAMILY (R) Fred Blake (Robert De Niro) and his family are in international witness protection under the gruff, watchful eye of Tommy Lee Jones’ FBI agent, but the real people who need protecting are the Blake/Manzoni’s neighbors. The Blake/Manzoni family are all sociopathic gangsters. Talk about ugly Americans. Gallic filmmaker Luc Besson has spent recent years focusing on writing and producing such hits as The Transporters and the Takens and less time directing the action movies upon which he built his name. Great mob movies are a treasure; mob comedies, as a genre, need to be buried. 

GETAWAY (PG-13) Ethan Hawke continues his genre tear, leaving horror and venturing into action exploitation. Hawke stars as Brent Magna, a former racecar driver who must follow a mysterious man’s directions if he hopes to ever see his kidnapped wife again. Selena Gomez costars as his passenger. Courtney Solomon hasn’t directed much but has produced a lot as head of After Dark Films. 

THE GRANDMASTER (PG-13) Popular world filmmaker Wong Kar Wai returns with his first action film since 1994’s Ashes of Time. He’s also tackling the legendary Ip Man, the Chinese martial artist who trained the iconic Bruce Lee. Frequent Wong Kar Wai collaborator Tony Leung Chiu Wai (Infernal Affairs) stars as Yip Man. The film also reunites Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s lovers, Zhang Ziyi and Chang Chen. (Ciné)

IN A WORLD... (R) Written, directed and starring Lake Bell, a lowly vocal coach battles her own father in a chance to voice over a movie trailer. (Ciné) 

INSTRUCTIONS NOT INCLUDED (PG-13) No Se Aceptan Devoluciones tells the story of an infamous bachelor from Mexico who becomes an unlikely father when a baby is left on his doorstep. 

INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER 2 (PG-13) When Josh (Patrick Wilson) returned from the spirit world at the conclusion of Insidious, he didn’t return alone, and his family—wife Renai (Rose Byrne) and sons Dalton (Ty Simpkins) and Foster (Andrew Astor)—is in danger. Chapter 2 is like a reverse Insidious. Chapter 1 had its chilling, mysterious first two acts bogged down by Josh’s blah final stroll through the spirit world. The sequel painfully explicates a dumb story for two acts, relying on trite haunted house tropes like slamming doors and flying household objects, before a strong final act that finally brings the scary and some nifty callbacks to the first movie. 

LEE DANIELS’ THE BUTLER (PG-13) This crowd-pleasing slice of historical nostalgia chronicles the major events of the second half of the 20th century through the eyes of White House butler Cecil Gaines (Forrest Whitaker). With its exceptional cast—Robin Williams, James Marsden, Liev Schreiber, John Cusack and Alan Rickman—The Butler overcomes the natural tendency of such films to drift into sentimental nostalgia. 

THE LITTLE TIN MAN Written by two UGA Alumni, this independent comedy follows Herman, a dwarf actor who longs to be cast as the Tin Man in Scorsese's The Wizard of Oz remake. (Ciné)

THE LONE RANGER (PG-13) This second failed attempt to bring the masked man back to the big screen reunites Johnny Depp with his Pirates of the Caribbean director Gore Verbinski for another bloated blockbuster that misses the mark. Depp’s Indian savant Tonto is one of the oater’s strengths; the star swaggers and mugs like a silent film star. Otherwise, this over-plotted, overlong origin story establishes the wrong tone for its masked hero. 

THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES (PG-13) The first movie in what the makers hope to be the new Twilight et al. contains every single YA genre trope. When her mother (Lena Headey) disappears, a seemingly normal girl, Clary Fray (Lily “Daughter of Phil” Collins), discovers her significance in a shadow world of demons, vampires, werewolves and witches. Maybe this sort of Junior “True Blood” seemed original a few years ago, but all it is in 2013 is boring. 

ONE DIRECTION: THIS IS US (PG) The popular boy band hits the big screen in a movie directed by Academy Award nominee Morgan Spurlock (Super Size Me). The rise of Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry and Louis from competing on “The X Factor” to performing at London’s O2 Arena is chronicled. If you liked Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never, you’ll be hard-pressed to justify any animosity for the Brit boy band’s musical doc.

PACIFIC RIM (PG-13) A portal to another dimension opens in the Pacific, unleashing giant monsters called Kaiju on humanity, who builds giant robots called Jaegers to counter them. Years into a losing war, the Jaeger program leader, Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba), takes one last chance, sending the last surviving robots and pilots to close the portal for good. The most well-realized blockbuster of its kind, Pacific Rim delivers the childlike robot action missing from all three misguided Transformers flicks. By writer-director Guillermo del Toro.

PARANOIA (PG-13) A tech hotshot, Adam Cassidy (Liam Hemsworth), is caught between feuding billionaires, Jock Goddard and Nicolas Wyatt (Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman). The esteemed elder cast of this wannabe Wall Street gets little help from its young, bland lead, generic screenplay and uninspired direction from 21’s Robert Luketic. This flick is a paycheck movie for all its players, though Ford and Oldman strike sparks in their scenes together. Still, those brief exciting interludes are not worth any of a viewer’s paycheck.

PERCY JACKSON: SEA OF MONSTERS (PG) Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman), must save Camp Half-Blood, the safe haven for the gods’ half-mortal children. Backed by his pals—Athena’s daughter Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario) and his Cyclops half-brother, Tyson (Douglas Smith)—Percy must defeat bland villain Luke (Jake Abel), rescue satyr Grover (Brandon Jackson) from Polyphemus and defeat a reborn Cronos. Even the all right FX cannot overcome the awful writing and charmless acting. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters has almost surely sunk the chances of Percy Jackson: The Titan’s Curse ever seeing the light of day. 

PLANES (PG) What with its Cars pedigree and Dane Cook voicework, Planes could have been a lot worse. A cropduster named Dusty Crophopper (v. Cook) longs to race across the skies. Unfortunately, he’s afraid of heights. It’s cute, sweet, and maybe a smidge direct-to-DVD; the voice cast is a step below the usual Pixar crop. Kids that love Cars will not care and will most likely fall for Planes. What’s next? Ships?

+1  At the party of the year, some college students (including The Purge’s lead rogue, Rhys Wakefield) discover a strange phenomenon occurring that threatens their sanity and their lives. It even leads a girl to make out with herself. The strange science fiction phenomenon resembles a tossed aside “Doctor Who” script. The movie does have a Georgia connection, having been filmed in Atlanta. Director Dennis Iliadis’s last movie was The Last House on the Left remake.

• PRISONERS (R) Don’t head into Prisoners if you’re in the mood for some lighthearted escapism. On a rainy Thanksgiving, two young girls go missing. The parents, Keller and Grace Dover (Hugh Jackman and Maria Bello) and Franklin and Nancy Birch (Terrence Howard and Viola Davis, look everywhere but eventually turn to the police, represented by Detective Loki (Jake Gyllenhaal). An obvious prime suspect, the mentally challenged Alex Jones (Paul Dano), appears, but no further clues can be found. A dark morality play from Contraband scripter Aaron Guzikowski, the two and a half hour Prisoners lasts a while. Jackman will probably land on the Academy’s shortlist for his turn as survivalist Dover, who won’t give up on his daughter; he also goes further to find her than the law allows. As Jackman’s co-lead, Gyllenhaal furthers separates himself from his pretty peers, though Guzikowski could have opened up Loki a bit more for the audience. He remains more a determined cipher than a complete character as his dogged drive is never examined. Villeneuve’s Prisoners feels like home-grown Haneke; it’s a tough, mature box office hit.

RIDDICK (R) Five years after the events of Chronicles, Riddick (Vin Diesel) is stranded on a hostile planet. Dueling mercenary teams are both looking to capture or kill the convicted murderer. Much as in Pitch Black, Riddick’s peculiar skill set is needed to help his human foes defeat the planet’s native creatures. Diesel simply nails Riddick’s charismatic killer, but it’s easy to pull for him when his hunters are so lackluster. 

THE ROOM (R) The Room, from baffling “auteur” Tommy Wiseau, might be the Mona Lisa of bad movies; its greatness lies in its mysterious smile, which a laughing Wiseau trots out at the oddest moments. The Room will leave you with so many questions that don’t need answering. Did Johnny and Lisa get married? What about Claudette’s cancer? Who uses a fake pregnancy bomb to spice up an uninteresting relationship? Why am I in a theater at one in the morning watching this strange, hysterical man vomit drama on the big screen? (Ciné)

RUSH (R) Academy Award winner Ron Howard is getting some of the strongest notices of his career for this recreation of the hot 1970s rivalry between two Formula One drivers, James Hunt (Chris “Thor” Hemsworth) and Niki Lauda (Daniel Bruhl, Inglorious Basterds). A script by Academy Award nominee Peter Morgan (The Queen and Frost/Nixon) certainly is a plus. I’ve certainly never been this interested in a Formula One movie or a Ron Howard movie (since Willow). With Olivia Wilde.

SNAKE & MONGOOSE (PG-13) Based on a true story, Snake & Mongoose tell the tale of two rival drag racers.

THE SPECTACULAR NOW (R) Maybe romantic high school dramedies where teen sweethearts like Sutter (Miles Teller) and Aimee (Shailene Woodley) trudge through their senior year of high school do not appeal to you. Then you can still enjoy seeing our great Athens on the big screen. After hot sophomore picture Smashed, acclaimed filmmaker and Cedar Shoals grad James Ponsoldt returns with what, in a perfect world, would be his breakthrough film. Adapted from Tim Tharp’s novel by (500) Days of Summer writers Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, The Spectacular Now is a teen movie made by and for adults that stands out by not indoctrinating audiences into the cult of youth.

THIS IS THE END (R) This meta-comedy from Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (their directorial debuts!) stars Rogen and a bunch of his pals—James Franco, Jonah Hill, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson, Jay Baruchel and a lot more—as they face the end of the world. With almost any comic actor one can think of or recognize.

TURBO (PG) After a first act highlighted by endearing animation and stellar voice work from Ryan Reynolds and Paul Giamatti, Turbo gets stupid, as the main mollusk is imbued with the abilities of a car after a freak accident involving a street racer and some nitrous. Turbo and his other racing snail pals head to the Indy 500, where they will face off against defending champion and world’s greatest racecar driver, Guy Gagne (v. Bill Hader).

WE’RE THE MILLERS (R) After running afoul of his drug kingpin pal (Ed Helms), Dave (Jason Sudeikis) must smuggle a smidge that turns out to be a lot more than a smidge of marijuana across the border. Dave hatches a brilliant plan to fake a family with stripper Rose (Jennifer Aniston), runaway teen Casey (Emma Roberts) and virginal Kenny (Will Poulter). Everything works out great until he runs into a swell DEA agent and his wife (Nick Offerman and Kathryn Hahn) and the big-time Mexican drug lord to whom the weed really belongs to catches up with them.

THE WORLD’S END (R) The Cornetto Trilogy, begun in Shaun of the Dead, concludes pitch-perfectly with The World’s End. Five old friends reunite in their hometown to again attempt an epic pub crawl. They just didn’t realize the world as they know it might be ending, when their pub crawl is interrupted by a Who-vian invasion of blue-blooded robots. The jokes all land and the comic beats/pauses are perfectly synced. As silly as the bits can be, The World’s End captures the melancholy of growing up, old and apart from childhood friends. 

YOU’RE NEXT (R) With the strongest cold open since Scream, this home invasion flick ratchets up the tension for an hour and a half without ever letting up. A well-to-do family are stalked by a group of killers in animal masks, who may have met their match in one son’s new girlfriend, Erin (Sharni Vinson). Wingard and collaborator Simon Barrett take a well-known, beloved and maligned genre, turning it on its head with gleefully violent abandon. 

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