DREW'S REVIEWS

ABOUT LAST NIGHT (R) This remake of the 1986 movie starring Demi Moore and Rob Lowe—itself based on David Mamet's play, “Sexual Perversity in Chicago”—finally makes the best use of the ubiquitous funnyman, Kevin Hart. Hart’s horndog, Bernie, woos, dumps and rewoos the not quite innocent Joan (Regina Hall), while his best friend, Danny (Michael Ealy), romances Joan’s BFF and roomie, Debbie (Joy Bryant from NBC’s excellent, underwatched “Parenthood”). The dialogue, adapted by Bachelorette’s Leslye Headland, flies funny and fast, especially when Hart and Hall get going (witness their mid-credits showboating). Nobody really expects much from Hot Tub Time Machine director Steve Pink, but he gets the comic, dramatic rhythms mostly right, especially during the quick switchbacks that open the film. Sadly, the dramromcom feels longer when the pretty, likable duo of Ealy and Bryant are onscreen without Hart and Hall. Their constantly devolving courtship may be realistically portrayed, but that detail fails to make it fun to watch. Hollywood has thrown up some truly bad romcoms (chick flicks, if you must), and it’s pleasant to admit About Last Night is not one of them. The odds were in Hart’s favor that he’d finally find a movie that deserved him.

ENDLESS LOVE (PG-13) While no one was looking, the 1981 wild teenage romance starring Brooke Shields that introduced audiences to Tom Cruise and the Diana Ross-Lionel Richie duet was remade into a rather bland new tale of teenage love. The summer after Jade Butterfield (Gabriella Wilde) graduates from high school, she meets and falls in love with David Elliot (Alex Pettyfer, whose offscreen ugliness fails to mar his onscreen charisma). Her doctor father (Bruce Greenwood, in standout villainous daddy mode) foresees the derailment of Jade’s future over this boy, so he schemes to break them up. Any audience member, be they familiar or not with Franco Zeffirelli’s original film or novelist Scott Spencer’s source material, will keep waiting for the big dramatic turn to come. And they will keep waiting, as this Endless Love is way more neutered than either of its predecessors. The filmmakers fail to even hide the Ross-Richie prom theme as an Easter Egg. Endless Love misses out on some prime opportunities for camp. As usual, stick with the original. Or better yet, read the book.  

PHILOMENA (PG-13) Two of my favorite British Stephens—Coogan and Frears—team up for what sounds pretty unintriguing from its based on a true story logline. A shamed journalist, Martin Sixsmith (Steve Coogan), helps an old Irish woman, Philomena Lee (Academy Award nominee Judi Dench), find the child she lost to adoption 50 years earlier. Coogan, who co-wrote the Oscar-nominated script with Jeff Pope, hones his sharp wit and creates some moments of genuine emotion as his cynical journo interacts with sweet old Philomena, who is unsurprisingly embodied perfectly by Dench. The writers also sharpen their knives to carve up the Catholic Church, here represented by a few evil nuns. The script, acting and two-time Oscar nominee Stephen Frears (The Grifters and The Queen) take this TV movie scenario and turn it into a unexpectedly strong Best Picture nominee. (It wouldn’t make a shortlist of five, but it’s not the last of the nine.) Shades of Coogan’s wonderful road trip comedy The Trip color Martin and Philomena’s trek to Ireland and finally America as they unravel the film’s central mystery. Let the awards mystique, not the pedestrian synopsis, draw you into Philomena. Her film is as extraordinary as her story.

ROBOCOP (PG-13) So the new Robocop kind of misses the maliciously satirical point of the original. No one will be clamoring for a remake of this technically shiny action flick in 27 years. Outside of the interstitial moments with Samuel L. Jackson’s Bill O’Reilly-ish Pat Novak, the new movie, from Elite Squad director Jose Padilha and first-time feature writer Joshua Zetumer, misses out on some prime opportunities to deride modern America. Robocop, formerly Detective Alex Murphy (Joel Kinnaman from AMC’s “The Killing”), does not do much Robocopping. He does solve his own murder, which is a little self-involved. The new filmmakers bog the first act down in comic book origin BS (the boardroom shenanigans of the original are much more interesting), before blazing through the second act where Robo (barely) hits the streets, to get to the procedural third act. The best Robocop remake came out in 2012 and was called Dredd; that flick had loads more of the ultraviolent, futuristic misanthropy that made Paul Verhoeven’s Robocop stand out. The newest version of Robocop is watchable with some excellent FX and design ideas (many borrowed from the original); what it definitely is not is re-watchable. 

WINTER’S TALE (PG-13) Apparently, Mark Helprin’s 1983 novel, Winter’s Tale, is considered a pretty big work of recent American fiction. You don’t come away from Academy Award-winning screenwriter Akiva Goldsman’s directorial debut with that impression. Too much must not translate from the page to the screen in this saccharine two-hour distillation of that nearly 700 page novel; it’s as if Goldsman adapted the Reader’s Digest Condensed Book version. This fantastical romance about an immortal burglar, Peter Lake (Colin Farrell) and his magical white horse, Athansor, battling demons led by Russell Crowe (he definitely does his best work in period pieces) will certainly draw in viewers without quite delivering all it promises. In her first major post-“Downton” role, Jessica Brown Findlay is lovely as Beverly Penn, the love of Peter’s life who dies too young because someone so special cannot survive. Goldsman has crafted a beautiful film in his first outing, and Winter’s Tale might age well if the right audience discovers it. (One wonders whether or not the novel’s fans will embrace the film.) Mature fantasy is a tough sell to literate adult moviegoers; Winter’s Tale is exactly the so-so film I am afraid will be made from American Gods.

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AN APOLOGY TO ELEPHANTS UGA’s Speak Out for Species sponsors the ninth annual Animal Voices Film Festival to raise awareness about our furred and feathered friends. Lily Tomlin won an Emmy for her Outstanding Voice-Over Performance, i.e. narration, in this documentary about elephants living in captivity. These majestic, intelligent animals often struggle when brought to live in zoos and circuses. Dr. Janet Martin, director of the Shelter Medicine Program at the UGA College of Veterinary Medicine, will lead a discussion after the film, screening on Monday, Feb. 24 at 7:30 p.m. (UGA Miller Learning Center, Room 101) 

ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES (PG-13) Much has changed since last we heard from San Diego’s top newsman, Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell). He married co-anchor, Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate), and moved to New York City. But professional disappointment relegates Ron back to San Diego until he is offered the chance to front a 24-hour news network, the first of its kind. Ron returns to the Big Apple with his old news team behind him: features-stud Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd), sports-guy Champ Kind (David Koechner) and weatherman Brick Tamland (Steve Carell). But they face new challenges from rival anchor Jack Lime (James Marsden) and Veronica’s new lover Gary (Greg Kinnear). The jokes might not fly as fast or as quotable as those of the original, but the narrative and characters are better. Carell’s newfound stardom after the first movie means more Brick, and surprisingly, that’s a good thing. A late detour into staged melodrama falls a bit flat, adding unnecessary length, and the expected climactic battle gets too cameo-heavy with little comic payoff. Happily, the legend of Ron Burgundy is not tarnished by his return; only time will tell whether the sequel retains (or surpasses?) its predecessor’s rewatchability.

AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY (R) Matriarch Violet Weston (Academy Award nominee Meryl Streep, chewing up scenes and spitting them out in illustrious award bait fashion) has cancer and is cancerous. Her husband, Beverly (Sam Shepard), disappears, bringing her three unhappy daughters—Barb (Academy Award nominee Julia Roberts), Ivy (Julianne Nicholson) and Karen (Juliette Lewis)—back home. Playwright Tracy Letts (Bug, Killer Joe) adapts his play for the screen, but it’s still mostly a series of shouted monologues so stagy, one expects an intermission. This movie is old-fashioned award porn, fashioned from three Oscar winners (Streep, Roberts and Chris Cooper) and three more nominees (Lewis, Shepard and Abigail Breslin). Streep’s diehard fanbase of middle aged to older women will devour this exhausting film; others beware. (Ciné) 

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2 (PG) The animated family comedy, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, wasn’t quite one for which a sequel seemed necessary. Inventor Flint Lockwood (v. Bill Hader) is working for The Live Corp Company when he must leave his job to investigate claims that his machine is creating food-animal hybrids. Joining Hader for voicework are Anna Faris, James Caan, Will Forte, Andy Samberg, Benjamin Bratt, Neil Patrick Harris and Terry Crews. This flick sounds like it barely escaped a direct to DVD launch.

FROZEN (PG) Disney returns with a newfangled computer animated feature that feels very old school. A young princess, Anna (v. Kristen Bell), must venture into the frozen wilds to save her sister, recently crowned Queen Elsa (v. Idina Menzel), who has lost control over her icy powers. Anna is assisted in her search by ice salesman Kristoff (v. Jonathan Groff, “Glee”), his reindeer, Sven, and a goofy, talking snowman named Olaf (v. Josh Gad). The narrative, adapted from Hans Christian Anderson’s “The Snow Queen” by Wreck-It Ralph scripter Jennifer Lee (who co-directed), is as Disney formulaic as they come, and the animation shines without standing out. Nonetheless, the characters, especially Gad’s silly snowman, are winning. The songs are catchy, as is their diegetic musical inclusion. Little kids will love Frozen, and parents who grew up on Disney classics will not feel left out in the cold. 

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS 1956. Part of the Monster Movie Matinee Series, inspired by “Alert Today, Alive Tomorrow: Living with the Atomic Bomb, 1945-1965,” The Invasion of the Body Snatchers is the first of several adaptations of Jack Finney’s sci-fi tale. Kevin McCarthy and Dana Wynter star in Don Siegel’s horror/sci-fi hybrid about a small town doctor who learns his community is being replaced by emotionless duplicates. Honestly, Kaufman’s ’78 and Ferrara’s ’94 versions are better, but Siegel’s is the classic. The film will screen on Saturday, Feb. 22 at 2 p.m. (Richard B. Russell Building Special Collections Library)

JACK RYAN: SHADOW RECRUIT (PG-13) Tom Clancy’s CIA analyst turned operative has been portrayed on screen by four different actors—Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford, Ben Affleck and now Chris Pine—but this latest film, based on an original script that isn't one of Clancy’s technothrillers, gives the character a mostly successful makeover into America’s answer to James Bond. Scripters Adam Cozad and David Koepp (many a blockbuster including Mission: Impossible and Jurassic Park) start their retconning in 2001, with 9/11 pushing Ryan from doctoral student at the London School of Economics to marine injured in Afghanistan. His rehab introduces the heroic soldier to future wife, Cathy Muller (Keira Knightley, sporting an uncomfortable American non-accent), and CIA mentor, William Harper (Kevin Costner, as stalwart as ever). The action moves to Russia where director Kenneth Branagh gives a great audition for future Bond villainy as Victor Cherevin. This new(re)born franchise needs more giant action setpieces to compete with Bond, but the setup is strong. (No one will probably notice if they quietly change lead actresses down the road.) Branagh continues to strengthen the action blockbuster section of his resume. Maybe most importantly, he keeps the movie a svelte 105 minutes; some more experienced action helmers take note.

LABOR DAY (PG-13) No more cinematically offensive than an above average Nicholas Sparks flick (we’re not talking The Notebook here), Labor Day is a strange film from Jason Reitman, but good for him for striking out from his comfort zone, even if the results are far less successful than his previous Oscar nominees. A divorced mother, Adele (Kate Winslet in a rare performance not nominated for an Academy Award), and her teenage son, Henry (Gattlin Griffith), meet escaped convict Frank (Josh Brolin). Of course, Frank is one of those good, misunderstood murderers, a fact we know from the trailer which spoils the entire first act. Reitman attempts to establish danger and mystery, but the only mystery is how long it’ll take Frank and Adele to hook up. Labor Day is single mom porn. A burly, handsome man wanders into a lonely woman’s life, bakes some tasty pie and fixes the car/house/etc. I haven’t read Joyce Maynard’s novel, but I have to imagine it contained more literary depth to have captured Reitman’s attention. Otherwise, why not just pick a Sparks bestseller to adapt if you want to make a romantic drama?

THE LEGO MOVIE (PG) The LEGO Movie is most certainly the young year’s best new, wide release. The intricate, interconnected universes built by writing-directing duo Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and 21 Jump Street) has an age-defying Muppets-like appeal. When generic construction mini-figure Emmet (v. Chris Pratt, who is so devilishly appealing) gets up in the morning, he follows the day’s instructions as handed down by president/overlord Business (v. Will Ferrell). Soon, Emmet gets involved with a Matrix-ian rebel group led by Vitruvius (v. Morgan Freeman), a pretty mini-fig who goes by Wildstyle (v. Elizabeth Banks) and her BF, Batman (v. Will Arnett). The LEGO Movie uses its licenses (D.C., Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings) smartly as it argues for the salvation of creativity. A movie made from the toy that frees the childhood (and adult) imagination has to stay on its toes in order to not diminish the property. This film, which should battle for the year’s best animated film come the next awards cycle, reconstructs the greatest childhood movie memories from the building blocks that best defined the young and not-yet-so-old generation.

LONE SURVIVOR (R) The spoiler-ishly titled Lone Survivor does not hide from what it is, which amounts to injury porn in the second act (the characters’ two falls are brutal). While on Operation Red Wings, four Navy SEALs—team leader Mike Murphy (Taylor Kitsch), Axe (Ben Foster), Danny (Emile Hirsch, who more and more resembles a tiny version of Jack Black) and Marcus Luttrell (Mark Wahlberg), upon whose book this film is based—battle an army of Taliban fighters. The cinematic account of this true story is written and directed by Peter Berg, whose The Kingdom was severely underrated (and superior to his latest), like Friday Night Lights with soldiers. Even the incredible Explosions in the Sky provides the score. Nothing about Lone Survivor is particularly unsuccessful, though which member of the bearded quartet is which can be hard to distinguish during the hectic firefight. Berg shoots action with a visceral viciousness, taking some visual cues from first person shooters like Call of Duty (a videogame movie Berg will probably one day helm). Lone Survivor will please the action-heads out there, but it takes the home movies before the end credits to remind audiences these soldiers were actual husbands and fathers.

THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE 1962. Screening in conjunction with “Alert Today, Alive Tomorrow: Living with the Atomic Bomb, 1945-1965,” curated by Michael Scheibach and ExhibitsUSA, the original Manchurian Candidate, directed by John Frankenheimer, is a classic of paranoid cinema. Ol’ Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra, karate chops his way as Major Ben Marco after a brainwashed fellow soldier, Raymond Shaw (Laurence Harvey). A lot is always made of Angela Lansbury’s memorable portrayal of Harvey’s domineering mother, despite their mere five year age difference. The film will screen on Thursday, Feb. 20. (Richard B. Russell Building Special Collections Library)

THE MONUMENTS MEN (PG-13) The Monuments Men is a rousing World War II yarn about an unlikely platoon assigned the mission of protecting humanity’s art from history’s greatest douchebags, the Nazis. Seriously, already history’s top seed in any Tournament of Big Bads, the Nazis were also giant d-bags who burned great works of art because they couldn’t have it. Fortunately, George Clooney, Matt Damon, Bill Murray, John Goodman, Jean Dujardin, Bob Balaban and Hugh Bonneville scoured the war-torn continent and nabbed the best stuff from those firebug Nazis and art-thieving Soviets. The true story recounted by writer-director George Clooney is a fascinating historical footnote that makes for great cinema. It’s just that this level of filmmaker and cast promises grander, award-winning cinema. The Monuments Men is seeking that level of acclaim, and the entertaining war drama delivers a mature, art-filled reboot of “Hogan’s Heroes.” (Hollywood, take this cast, toss in Christoph Waltz, and let the Cloon jam on a big screen “Hogan’s.” I dare you.) The Monuments Men has too many appealing personalities; the audience never gets to adequately spend enough time with Murray/Balaban, Goodman/Dujardin, Damon/Cate Blanchett or Clooney. But the time we get is well-spent.

THE NUT JOB (PG) The latest animated feature (it seems as if there are so many nowadays) pits a curmudgeonly squirrel named (a bit on the nose) Surly (v. Will Arnett) against the city. When he finds Maury’s Nut Store, he may just have found the way to alleviate his and the rest of his park community’s winter worries. Brendan Fraser, Liam Neeson and Katherine Heigl are the next three biggest names in the voice cast. Will this movie capture its family audience without a big name like Disney or DreamWorks behind it?

THE OSCAR NOMINATED SHORT FILMS 2014 The Oscar nominated Live Action and Animated Shorts Programs return to Ciné. This year’s animated nominees are “Feral,” “Get a Horse!,” “Mr. Hublot,” “Possessions” and “Room on the Broom.” The Live-Action Short Film nominees are “That Wasn’t Me,” “Just Before Losing Everything,” “Helium,” “Do I Have to Take Care of Everything” and “The Voorman Problem.” The Documentary Short Film nominees are “Cavedigger,” “Facing Fear,” “The Lady in Number 6,” “Karama Has No Walls” and “Prison Terminal.” Finding out the winner on Oscar night is a whole lot more fun when you’ve seen the nominees. (Ciné)

OUT OF THE FURNACE (R) Like an episode of “Justified” minus the deft, light touch of Elmore Leonard, Out of the Furnace focuses on working class heroes and backwoods baddies. After a tragic accident, steel mill worker Russell Baze (Christian Bale) faces more bad news as his soldier brother, Rodney (Casey Affleck), runs afoul of a meth-ed up MF-er named Harlan DeGroat (a natural role for Woody Harrelson). Despite warnings from the local policeman (Forest Whitaker), who just so happens to be dating Russell’s ex-girlfriend (Zoe Saldana), Russell tackles Harlan head-on. Crazy Heart filmmaker Scott Cooper follows up his Academy Award-winning debut, mostly renowned for its performances, with another heavy drama whose best feature is its actors. Bale and Harrelson are standouts, though Harrelson nearly succumbs to hamminess with his lollipop routine. Clumsy plot devices and characters (cough, Rodney, cough) that almost erase all of their sympathy recur, but the tension of Russell’s sad world will suck you in. Plus, the soundtrack features Pearl Jam; it’s hard to say no to Pearl Jam.

THE PAST (PG-13) Asghar Farhadi, the Academy Award-nominated Iranian filmmaker of The Separation, returns with another tough familial tale, the Golden Globe-nominated The Past.  A husband returns to his native Iran. The wife (Berenice Bejo, an Academy Award nominee for The Artist) and two children left behind attempt to move on with their lives. Complications ensue when the deserted wife seeks a divorce so she can marry her current lover. The trailers promise another difficult, rewarding cinematic experience. (Ciné)

POMPEII (PG-13) Pompeii is not Resident Evil filmmaker Paul W.S. Anderson’s first period piece. Remember his steampunk-ish take on The Three Musketeers? (Don’t worry; I had forgotten it too.) Kit Harington aka Jon Snow stars as a former slave and current gladiator who must save his love from marrying an evil Roman Senator. Meanwhile, Mount Vesuvius looks to blow its top all over Pompeii. This flick’s biggest weakness be that it resembles all the lame post-300 classical actioners that preceded it.

REMEMBER THE TITANS (PG) 2000. One of Hollywood’s better sanitized versions of racial integration in the South via sports, Remember the Titans works due to Denzel’s massively successful portrayal of Coach Herman Boone. Based on the events of the 1971 football season at Alexandria, VA’s, T.C. Williams High School, Titans has a lot of local flavor, being shot at several Georgia locales, including Berry College and Druid Hills High School. The supporting cast features lots of familiar faces, including Will Patton, Kate Bosworth, Ryan Gosling, Donald Faison and Ethan Suplee. (UGA Tate Student Center Theatre)

RESPECT YOURSELF Author Robert Gordon co-directed this documentary based on his 2013 book, Respect Yourself: Stax Records & the Soul Explosion, with Morgan Neville (the Academy Award-nominated 20 Feet from Stardom). Ciné, the UGA Willson Center and Avid Bookshop present a special screening hosted by Gordon and Patterson Hood on Saturday, Feb. 22 at 6:30 p.m. Gordon will sign copies of his book and participate in a post-film Q&A with Hood. (Ciné)

RIDE ALONG (PG-13) Judging from the trailers, Kevin Hart and Ice Cube’s team up for an action comedy set in Atlanta could be worse. Hart stars as a security guard who goes on patrol with his girlfriend’s tough cop brother, played by Cube, in order to earn his blessing. Tika Sumpter (Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas) stars as the girlfriend/sister. It’s co-written by the super-funny Jason Mantzoukas (The League’s Rafi); granted, he’s one of four credited scripters. Tim Story (Barbershop, Fantastic Four) directs.

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY (PG) Director-star Ben Stiller’s adaptation of James Thurber’s classic short story is an odd duck. Take Thurber’s simple literary seed and fertilize it with writer Steve Conrad’s brand of The Weather Man/The Pursuit of Happyness pablum. The resulting film pleases on its own and disappoints as a version of Thurber. Daydreamer Walter Mitty (Stiller) works at “Life” Magazine, which is about to go completely digital, and he has lost the negative of the final cover photo, provided by a legendary photog (Sean Penn). Having never done anything, Walter goes on an impromptu adventure to Greenland, Iceland and Afghanistan, mostly to get the attention of a comely coworker (a cute, pleasantly normal Kristen Wiig). Stiller’s humor never quite gels with Conrad’s insipid sincerity. Stiller’s direction shines, though he seems to be channeling a sterile, mass market Wes Anderson. Still, it’s laudable and creative; everything that the script is not. Unnecessarily overplotted and overly coincidental, it glosses over the complexities of Walter’s adventure. It should never have been called The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, but I still felt overtly amiable towards the film when it was over. Though what’s the deal with Adam Scott’s beard?

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT (R) 2014’s first truly terrible movie goes to That Awkward Moment. Congratulations for barely edging out I, Frankenstein! That is quite an accomplishment for first-time writer-director Tom Gormican, and is almost as impressive as sucking the majority of the charisma out of Miles Teller and Michael B. Jordan. Fortunately, Teller overcomes the script’s woeful inadequacies and outright thefts from (not even that much) better romcoms. Out of friendship, three male besties—Jason (a drowsy Zac Efron), Mikey (Jordan) and Daniel (Teller)—swear off relationships before meeting the women of their dreams. Now comes the awkward part where they do dumb things because that’s what guys do, according to movies like this one. Jordan escapes with most of his dignity as the straight man, a cuckolded doctor, and Teller charms viewers’ pants off with the crustiest of romcom dialogue. As the pretty but romantically deficient friend, Efron lacks his cast mates’ magnetism and talent. Imagine a movie that would have starred Kate Hudson, Katherine Heigl and the late Brittany Murphy ten years ago; now give their characters penises. Otherwise, it’s the exact same movie Hollywood’s released every Super Bowl weekend or Valentine’s Day for the past decade.

THOR: THE DARK WORLD (PG-13) Marvel’s sequel to the surprisingly entertaining 2011 hit should have built on its predecessor’s success. Instead, the movie’s generic plot—an evil villain seeks to destroy the universe—and its science fiction aesthetic resemble an even-numbered Star Trek movie (Malekith even looks like a Romulan) more than a Marvel superhero feature. With frequent “Game of Thrones” director Alan Taylor at the helm, the movie’s Asgard could have benefitted from a grittier, Westeros look; instead, Asgard could be any Naboo-like world from the Star Wars prequel. Chris Hemsworth’s Thor remains as easily charming, and one wonders if the series should have allowed him to be single for a bit. Imagine Thor as an unbound lothario. Oddly enough, what seemed like a weakness of the first film—Thor’s unpowered banishment to Earth—is exactly what’s missing from its sequel. How can you tell? When Thor finally arrives on Earth, the quips fly faster and the gags land more soundly. Thor: The Dark World simply becomes more entertaining when the action leaves Asgard. Apparently, nothing about Thor should ever be serious. After all, he’s a god with flowing blond locks and a giant hammer. Oh, and more Loki please.

3 DAYS TO KILL (PG-13) You can’t blame Kevin Costner for attempting a Liam Neeson/Taken type action flick at this point in his career. The bigger surprise is that McG has fallen to directing Renny Harlin level movies. KCost stars as international spy Ethan Renner. He desires to quit the life and be a better husband and father. But one last mission sees him simultaneously seeking a dangerous terrorist and caring for his teenage daughter (Hailee Steinfeld) while his wife’s away. It can’t be worse than Willis’ The Cold Light of Day.

12 YEARS A SLAVE (R) The very real, very powerful 12 Years a Slave recounts the devastatingly true account of Solomon Northup (Academy Award nominee Chiwetel Ejiofor), a free man kidnapped and sold into slavery. Solomon’s woeful tale occurred to many other free blacks. Shame director Steve McQueen certainly earned his Academy Award nomination for gracefully bringing this true life horror story to cinematic life. Despite its massively discomfiting subject, 12 Years a Slave is never anything less than compellingly watchable. The Oscar-nominated turns from Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender, and Lupita Nyong’o certainly stand out, though the star is, ultimately, this supremely well-constructed film, a work that stands above nearly all its competitors. (Ciné)

TYLER PERRY’S A MADEA CHRISTMAS (PG-13) The biggest Madea misfire since Meet the Browns, A Madea Christmas gives off the whiff of expired made-for-TV eggnog. Perry’s merrily mischievous matron travels to Alabama with the worst character Perry has yet created, Eileen (Anna Maria Horsford of “Amen”). Eileen’s daughter, Lacey (Tika Sumpter), is hiding her new marriage to Conner (Eric Lively), who is white, and her mother’s interactions with his likable redneck parents, Buddy and Kim (Larry the Cable Guy and Kathy Najimy), are offensively rude. A Madea Christmas is simply an ugly movie that would look weak even against The Hallmark Channel original holiday fare. Perry’s second worst character also resides in this small town, Chad Michael Murray’s Tanner. Unprofessional acting (check out the horrendous accents) and weak writing marked by outdated jokes about the small town South offend and disappoint. Perry has shown to be better than this gag gift of a holiday movie. So few Madea moments land that Larry the Cable Guy is the funniest fellow in the picture. Boy, that’s not a good thing. Have you ever seen a bad, local church’s Christmas play or that awful War on Christmas movie, Last Ounce of Courage? Then you’ve seen A Madea Christmas.

THE WIND RISES (PG) Hayao Miyazaki has threatened that this will be his final film. We will see. Fortunately, we will also see The Wind Rises, a fictionalized biopic of Jiro Hirokoshi, who designed the aircraft blown by the Empire of Japan in World War II. The English voice cast is as good as usual. Joseph Gordon-Levitt voices Jiro and is joined by Emily Blunt, John Krasinski, Martin Short, Werner Herzog, William H. Macy, Mandy Patinkin and Stanley Tucci.

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET (R) Director Martin Scorsese is 71 and has more cinematic vim and vigor than any younger filmmaker to whom you wish to compare him. Just see The Wolf of Wall Street for proof. Leonardo DiCaprio stars as Jordan Belfort, who ruled the Bulls and the Bears before the age of 30. Hopped up on Quaaludes and cocaine, Belfort and his crew at Stratton Oakmont (best represented on screen by Jonah Hill) peddled penny stocks and defrauded investors so badly, he ended up in prison for 22 months. Scorsese captures every debauched moment—hookers, drugs and dwarf tossing—of Belfort’s life. DiCaprio will be an Oscar frontrunner if voters can get beyond the vileness of Belfort enough to celebrate the actor’s most physical performance. At three hours, The Wolf of Wall Street is far from too long, though some individual scenes linger too long. Hill proves his Moneyball turn was no fluke with another career-redefining turn. How awesome is it to see Scorsese churning out still relevant work with a new muse while his old muse, Robert De Niro, is mired in crummy comedies like Grudge Match. This Wolf is one to watch.

VAMPIRE ACADEMY (PG-13) Oh no, Mark Waters. Mean Girls did not buy you the sort of credibility needed to pull off Vampire Academy, which is at best a CW show that mercifully only lasts one season. Rose Hathaway (Zoey Deutch, whose one standout feature in this movie is her cleavage) is a Dhampir, a half-vampire, half-mortal that has to protect the good blood suckers—European snobs called the Moroi—from the bad bloodsuckers—more traditional vampires called the Strigoi. This flick plays like a low-rent “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” knockoff greenlit over a decade too late. It also lacks the onscreen talent to pull off the silly Harry Potter boarding school shenanigans or the diet “Slayer” horror action. The narrative is intermittently incomprehensible, the transitions amateurish and the acting on par with an '80s slasher flick (not the subgenre’s calling card). Vampire Academy’s sole redeeming quality is a badness that borders on a campiness, which almost tempts one to keep watching in order to see just how bad it can get. Don’t take that as a weak recommendation…or a challenge.