Did anybody find it suspicious that the Mayor and Commission hosted our fireworks display on July 1 (Canada Day) rather than the 4th (Independence Day)? It seems doubly suspicious as the display was held over our town’s brand-new ice hockey rink at the Classic Center. Is this some plot for Athens to secede from the Union and become part of Canada? Will the Bulldogs soon be forced to follow CFL rules? Will this help us recoup the cost of the hockey rink?

If this is the plan, can I request that we hold a town referendum to decide which country on the Arctic Circle we would all prefer to join? Frankly, I'd choose Sweden or even Denmark, assuming they won't treat us like part of Greenland (which, to be honest, the legislature in Atlanta has been doing for some time now). I think a referendum would be a fine idea. Great Britain's been holding one every few months for a while now, and look how swimmingly that's gone for them! Next Fourth of July, let's hold a referendum all our own. I'm sure it'll work better than a Republican primary.

Just my two cents.