When I was a boy, Daddy would hitch the mules up to the covered wagon and take me into town to the general store, where Mr. Balfour would give us Caco-Locas. Sure, they were six cents instead of a nickel, but they were bottled by the Sartoris family right down the road in Union Point with sugar from the cane brakes that sprouted up beside the Oconee River, and doesn't that always make it taste just a little bit sweeter?

One day, Faubus McGillicuddy was standing by the side of the road and started chucking rocks at the wagon. He broke an axle, and we all had to walk back home. Faubus would later go on to become the starting wingback for Greensboro High and will forever live in infamy because he cost us the state championship by trying to throw a forward pass. The penalty put us out of field goal range, and we lost to hated Putnam County 3-2.

Faubus was a bully. (Doc had a run-in with him once when he bought the last Tab at the Varsity, back when it was downtown, but that's a story for another day.) He reminds me of Paul Broun Jr., who has introduced a bill in Congress to ban bicycles, the rides straight from the pit of Hell. He claims they're socialist because President Obama once rode a bike while growing up in Syria. Young Obama, the congressman says, rang the bike's bell to call his village to the mosque for prayer. Pure bunk, and maybe one day the voters will wise up.

That's bad enough, but look at what Mayor Nancy Denson is doing back home. Her beloved Selig City is on the ropes, so Denson has cooked up a plan to sell off the county courthouse, give the money to Selig and let them tear it down for a high-rise Costco with more luxury student apartments on top. Yes, the Costco will sell a wide variety of chile peppers, but is that really worth losing our town's unique character? The developers think so. Bien mal acquit ne profite jamais, as Mr. Balfour used to say.

And now comes word that Paul Cramer wants to shut down Broad Street to expand the Classic Center again. He's busier than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. The state Republican convention wasn't enough—he's eying the national one in 2016. 

At least the Banner-Herald will finally be out of the way. Cramer's turning Billy Morris's erection into a SeaWorld-style orca tank. Anyone who's seen Blackfish at Cine (all of you, I hope) should be outraged.

With a hulking convention center sitting on top of Broad Street, how will I get to Mama's Boy for breakfast? Jack Crowley's train? Sure, we should all be walking and biking everywhere, but Paul Broun Jr. thinks that's a United Nations plot. Guess I'll have to try the Triple Dipper at the new T.G.I. Friday's in the courthouse—just another out-of-town corporate chain franchise that won't advertise in Flagpole. 

Office Space Update

We are staying right where we're at. The entire staff has decided to re-enroll at UGA and pledge Sigma Chi—except City Editor Blake Aued. They won't let him in. But we appreciate all of his hard work and the fact that he's only gotten us sued three times. Stop by Normal Bar and wish him luck at his new job covering proms and pool parties for the B-H. Sigma Chi rush chairman Walker Tarbutton III is our new city editor; welcome aboard!

And wish this newly minted drama major luck preparing for his role as Theseus in Town & Gown's production of A Midsummer Night's Deam. It's quite a cast, with Patterson Hood as Oberon, Gwen O'Looney as Titania and Ort as Puck. Tickets on sale now.

Pete McCommons is on vacation. The real Pub Notes will return next week.