"We don't have jobs because we're artists. The more unemployed we are, the more artistic we are. But you have jobs. You can help." 

Thus begins the desperate plea at the heart of the new Kickstarter campaign from Sad Dads, the enigmatic local band/"supergroup"/performance art spectacle that refuses to quit. 

Unless they fail to meet their $500 goal, that is. On the Save Our Dads Kickstarter page, the band claims it will break up if it's not able to raise funds to record and release an upcoming album titled I'm Doing Okay.

Among the perks promised to potential donors:

• A Sad Dads performance whenever and wherever you want
• The ability to cancel one of the band's shows last-minute
• The chance to kidnap guitarist Cameron Evers and leave him at a location of your choosing for 24 hours
• A say in what singer Thomas Bauer gets tattooed on his ass
• "Power of attorney" over the group, meaning you can add or kick out members at your discretion and even force the band to break up yourself.

This is the best Kickstarter of all time. Watch the video, which features a cameo from former mayoral candidate Tim Denson, below:

As of this writing, the Dads have only raised $38.